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An IBM. This is the good kind of computer.

An IBM is one of the two kinds of computers. The other one is an Apple.

Many parents often think: "What kind of computer should I get for Bobby? Should I get an IBM, or should I get an Apple?" The answer is: you should get an IBM. This article will explain, in detail, the reasons IBM kicks Apple's ass.

An IBM has an operating system[edit]

Okay, you're probably thinking "What's an operating system?" Let me explain.

An Apple is just a computer that plays games. It's basically like an Atari 5200, except it uses floppy disks instead of cartridges. You put your game, like The Oregon Trail, into the floppy disk drive, and then you're playing the game.

An IBM, on the other hand, has something called DOS. When you turn on, or "boot," your IBM, it doesn't just start playing The Oregon Trail. Instead, it says:


When you see that, you're supposed to type something. Like, let's say you want to play Pool of Radiance. Well, then, you just take out the DOS disk, put in the Pool of Radiance disk, and type the "secret word" that makes Pool of Radiance start.

In that case, the secret word is "POOL". I used to use a red marker to write, for example, "Secret word: POOL" on my disks. Last year, I learned that if you type DIR, then DOS will tell you the secret word. But that's kind of cheating.

You can program an IBM[edit]

An Apple. This is the one that sucks.

If you turn on an IBM without put a disk in the drive, it takes you to something called BASIC. The first time that happened, I was pretty freaked out. I typed "POOL" and it said "Syntax error." I almost cried, because I thought I broke the syntax on my IBM.

But it turns out that BASIC is a programming language! How cool is that? If you turn on an Apple without putting a disk in it, it doesn't give you a programming language.

After a few months, I learned to use BASIC really well. I wrote this computer program:

10 CLS
20 PRINT "Mike is gay"
30 GOTO 20

This make my IBM say that my brother Mike is gay, like, eleven hundred trillion times! It was saying it so fast there was no way to count. Try doing that with an Apple! I couldn't figure out how to make it stop, but when I turned off the computer, it finally did.

The only problem is that you can't save your computer program, because you didn't put a disk in, and if you put a disk in later, IBM doesn't know that you have a disk drive. I guess because you never put the disk in.

Lots of computers are mostly compatible with IBM[edit]

It turns out that there are some companies besides IBM and Apple that make computers, but those computers are, like, really close to being IBMs. For example, Compaq makes a computer that's 99% compatible with the IBM. 99% compatible! That means it'll only break, like, 1% of the time.

Does anybody make a computer that's compatible with Apple? Nope! You know why? Because they know Apple sucks.

Here's an example. When you buy an IBM, it comes with no graphics. Just a screen where there are 80 letters across and 24 letters down. And an Apple comes with graphics, but it only has four colors. So you're probably thinking: "Okay, well, the Apple sounds better," right? Well, that was a pretty dumb thought, but it's okay.

Because here's the thing: for just like $500 more dollars, you can buy a microchip that makes the IBM show 16 whole colors! All of your favorites are there: magenta, red, pink, light magenta, and other forms of red! You can't do that kind of magic with an Apple!