INig

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that iNigs make great doormats?
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Overview[edit]

A typical iNig. Notice how the slave is convulsing from fits of electric shock. Let that be a lesson to all iNigs: OBEY YOUR MASTER.

The Apple iNig (shortened from iNigger) is Apple Corp's answer to the increasing demand for technological advancements within the Slave trade. The release of the iNig and the iNig Mini was welcomed by all, and many plantation owners were enthralled by the assurances that the iNig could harvest over 10,000 acres of cotton with its impressive 40 NiggaByte capacity. The iNig is fondly remembered, much like its iPod cousin, for costing a considerable amount, introducing several viruses, working in an increasingly erratic fashion for around nine months, then ceasing to function, causing the owner further expense with the need to purchase a replacement.

Due to the derranged sensibilities of Bleeding Heart Liberals, along with controversy over illegal textile trading, the production of the iNig and related products was ceased in the late 1800s.



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Marketing Ploys[edit]

Some people had sex with them

When it was originally released in the mid 1850s, it caught on like wildfire. However, with the dawning of the Apocalypse and the Jesus vs. Samuel L. Jackson war of 1861-3031, people started doubting whether or not having iNigs and iSlaves were morally correct.

This was when Apple introduced their controversial "If you don't enslave, I'll enslave YOU!" marketing ploy. It worked and within weeks the iNigs were once again popular as ever. Today, iNigs are still as popular as ever for picking cotton, sitting around lazy-assing like they always do, eating fried chicken, and being general good-for-nothing assholes.


iNig System Information[edit]

  • 40 Niggabyte workdrive
  • Battery power that lasts up to 20 full hours of iWork
  • Battery runs on only fried chicken
  • Trademarked Apple WhipWheel®, which allows you to beat your iNig senseless so you can see a variety of customizable menus
  • You actually get to say "nigger" to a black man and not be afraid now!

Preset Features[edit]

  • Automatically set to prefer white women
  • Will rape the senator's wife if you don't keep an eye on your iNig.
  • Can get uppity at times
  • Believes it's somehow an equal to you. Some consumers wondered why Apple included this feature; Apple denied all allegations of being a sympathizer in a press release; said Apple, "This preset feature benefits the owner by giving the iNig a sense of moral outrage, ergo more anger and veracity into his work picking cotton, ergo, work gets done faster."
  • Ugly as all hell

See Also[edit]