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The crappiness of this article begins with its lowercase letter. Do not be alarmed. This is a necessary inclusion.

The iPhone (colloquially known, retronymically, as the Steve Jobs' iPhone to differentiate it from Time Cook's iPhone) is a smartcar designed and marketed by Steve Jobs. After years of using regular cars, Steve Jobs invented the iPhone so he would never have to steer again. The iPhone costed only $1000000000, but Steve Jobs was kind enough to give it to poor pieces of shit for only $999999999.