I Was Almost The President: An Autobiography By John McCain

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Hello, I'm John McCain.

Hello. My name is John McCain. I was almost the president, but I was beat by some young hooligan. What was his name again? Ah well, I’m sure it will come to me. I ran for the Republican Party; while my opponent ran for the…. Uh… Non-Republican Party. I also had a running mate. Her name was Sarah Palin, a governor from… Antartica? Oh dear, that’s not it… someplace cold anyway…

What was I writing about?[edit]

Hmm… I know I was going to write about something… I wrote it down next to the grocery list; Eggs, milk, Swiss cheese and Kool Aid. Kool Aid? What is a Kool Aid? This isn’t my hand writing… Those darn kids must be getting in here again and writing things on my grocery list. Darn kids and their Rock and Roll music. If I was President I’d whip them kids right into shape. Oh! Of course, I was writing my autobiography.

I Was Almost The President – An Autobiography By John McCain[edit]

Hello, I'm John McCain.

Hello. My name is John McCain. I was almost the president, but… oh wait, I already wrote about that... hmm… I’ll pick up from where I left off. Let’s see, Sarah Conner from Greenland… ok, so my opponent’s running mate was… umm… I want to say it started with the letter “J”… Can I use a lifeline, Regis? Heh, he, he! That’s a good one! I’m writing that down… oh… nevermind. I sure did like that show better when Regis was the host. Back in my day women weren’t allowed to host talk shows, they stayed in the kitchen where they belonged! Then again, in my day we had to write by candlelight… now there’s a strange thing, candles. Now-a-days they come in all sorts of colors… and flavors… and shapes… and…

Candles[edit]

You know, I might as well start a new paragraph since I started a new topic. Candles. Back in the good old days they came in just one color: that strange shade of yellow. You know what else is yellow? The Sun. Sure is bright too… you know there was a time when we used to think the Earth revolved around the Sun. Boy, did we scratch that theory! And who says republicans aren’t welcome to change? Yep… those were the good days. It was a simpler time. Take two gold pieces down to the market for a week’s supply of grain and two chickens! Of course that was before the industrial revolution. And speaking of Roosevelt, a man I knew very personally… oh wait… I feel myself rambling again… darn! What was I writing about?

I Was Almost The President – An Autobiography By John McCain[edit]

Hello, I'm John McCain.

Hello. My name is John McCain. Have you ever wondered why strawberries have their seeds on the outside? It’s the darndest thing… they sure are hard to chew. Haven’t had a strawberry since… since… it must have been around ‘Nam… I remember that’s when I decided to run for president. Not because of Vietnam, the strawberries of course… it’s just not natural to have all those seeds on the outside… that was going to be my first priority as preside -- oh, of course! My autobiography!

I Was Almost The President – An Autobiography By John McCain[edit]

Hello. My name is John McCain. I was… oh dear! Look at the time; it’s almost 4:30! I must get down to the senior center, tonight is bingo night!