From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search


A new user opens her iEyes™ for the first time since iSurgery™. Oh the things she sees!

The Apple™ iEye™ is a bionic visual data management system device produced by Apple Computers™ around Christmas time. It is used to record, store and playback visual information, as well as to enhance the sense of sight beyond the capabilities of the primitive human eye. Until its release, the iEye was to be called the iBall, or the iEye Captain.


Installation of an iEye™ requires highly invasive surgery, performed under iAnaesthetic™ by an Apple-approved iSurgeon™. The user's human eyes are ejected, and an interface is grafted onto the stem of the optic nerve. This interface allows for future upgrading of the iEye™ itself. A latest version iEye™ is then attached to the interface, and is plugged into the eye socket. When the user wakes up, they often find themselves dizzy, nauseous and disorientated. The effects soon pass as the user becomes used to the new iEye, and this process can be expediated with the use of iDrugs™.

Product Features[edit]

The basic iSurgery kit (usb plugs not included) for Christmas eve iEye installation.

The iEye™ contains many notable features.

Hi-Res Viewing[edit]

The iEye™ contains a high-resolution 16 megapixel charged-couple device (CCD) similar to those found in a digital camera. This is capable of producing an image of up to 20 times higher resolution than the average "20/20 vision" human eye.


The iEye™ also has a 3x optical zoom and 4x digital zoom, which it integrates seamlessly. This gives the iEye™ a summary total of 12x normal human visual magnification. The device's zoom function is activated by the user squinting their eyelids and craning their neck.


The iEye™ enables users to record visual data, which can be stored on the iEye's™ internal 10Gb hard drive, or Quicktime™-encoded and uploaded to™, Apple's™ revolutionary new website where users can share their favourite sights with friends and strangers around the world. All iSights™ recorded with the iEye, whether uploaded to™ or not, immediately become the copyright of AppleCorps™.


Push the iSync button on any of your iDevices and your vision stream will sync with iPads, iPhones and iNervousSystems™. By integrating your iEyes with social network synergy, you can upload every second of your life onto facebook and youtube in real time.

In addition to the iEye's™ recording capability, users can also watch their favourite iSights™ directly on their iEye™, in full true-3D stereo vision. Creative users will find iProduce indispensable software for editing iEye videos by removing unwanted objects, enhancing iEye's natural colour filters and perhaps adding trees to the background or maybe a beach.


The iEye™ is currently only available in Japan and Romania, with a global launch anticipated in time for last Christmas. Apple™ together with Groupon are offering a special iSurgery™ service where consumers buying an iEye™ for a loved one can arrange to have the system installed by stealth while the recipient sleeps the night of Christmas Eve. The Groupon page evokes Christmas magic: "Imagine your child's delight when he/she awakes on Christmas morning to find their new iEye™ installed and ready to use!" Upgrades will be made available January-February.

See Also[edit]


Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 21 March 2013
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/21 March 2013Template:FA/2013