Iggle piggle

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They wanted you to think it was like this...


Iggle Piggle was a possibly satanic killing machine/acting sesation/Shredded Wheat taster, invented by Dr. Ludwig X Igglepigglekauft for the Nazis in the second world war to corrupt the minds of young children worldwide. Alongside other secret German weapons such as Makka Pakka (ya mum) and Upsie Daisie (ya mum on toast), the forces combined made special SS infantry unit 'Night Garden'. Over the wars there were variations and specialist classes of the Iggle Piggle design.

...When its more like this D=

Iggle Piggle Mark 1[edit]

The first concept of the Iggle Piggle soldier was made entirely out of cake due to the amounts of metal being used to make sausage tins for das führer's wet n' wild 42nd Birthday Party. Unfortunately, the fact that enemy soldiers simply ate through the Iggle Piggle's Netto Budget Icing armour made the Iggle Piggles more of a refreshing treat for the enemy. This was seen as an advantage later on though. As the Nazis discovered, Netto Budget Icing is considered to be far more deadly than both Cyanide and Jack Bauer combined. Mark 1s stayed in service until 1941, when the allies became wise to the tasty and deadly flavour of Iggle Piggle.

Mmmm... Questionable

Iggle Piggle Mark 2[edit]

The second Iggle Piggle was far more promising for the Nazis. Its head was the size of an onion, and was as strong as a pint of gin. And twice as deadly. With a strong endoskeleton and Rapid-Fire Sword Launcher, Iggle Piggle Mark 2s had many advantages over other members of the Night Garden Squad.

Members of the Night Graden Squad, taking a rest in their vaccumed safety room.

Iggle Piggle Mark 3[edit]

The Rapid-Fire Sword Launcher in the Mark 2 was replaced with a Train Launcher and Black Hole Gun. These weapons were developed by weapons agency Insomniac Weapons Co. Also, with all-new telekinetic ability, Mark 3s had the ability to manipulate anything it wanted in the new, bigger Argos catalogue and use it to kill you.

Transformer Iggle Piggle[edit]

During the end of the war, when the Nazis were getting some serious pwnage, mass advancements in Nazi - Transformers understanding allowed the Nazis to make two-super highly advanced protopype Transformer Iggle Piggles. Both were designed to be incredibly covert in the battlefield and even behing enemy lines. One, transforming into a male human infant (what the Nazis called them) riding on a tricycle, the other, a female human infant riding a scooter.

A true master of disguise, but don't trust it for a second...
If you see it in battle your probably already dead...

List of strengths[edit]

Has a deadly endoskeleton made of Netto Icing Sugar and tears.
Filled with more hate and anger than Josh's Dad.
Has the ability to have ya mum.
Personal friends include Iron Man and Dave Grohl.
Runs on human blood, so it must kill as much humans as possible to keep running.

It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with; it doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead

List of weapons used in the past to kill Iggle Piggles[edit]

Candy hearts.
Jack Bauer.
Eggle Peggle.
Your face.
Your face on Meatspin.
Johnday Toddji.
Big hydraulic presses.

Epic Fails[edit]

Unfortunately in 1950, all Iggle Piggle units was terminated, due to mass money spent on ammunition to arm the soldiers and the fact that the machines were filled with hate and anger, so fires were far too common to shoot from its eyes and for it to waLk round in circles screaming "IGGLE PIGGLE LOVES HIS BLANKET! IGGLE PIGGLE LOVE TO KILL! IGGLE PIGGLE LOVES TO EAT FLESH!" whilst using its multiple chainsaw arms to massacre nearby friendlies and civilians. Then there was obviously the fact that the war was over for 5 years, except that IgglePigglekauft refused to accept it. He was later decapitated by his own creations using sporks.

Iggle Piggle, showing its carnivourous side. The victim is unaware that it is an unstoppable killing machine on his head.
IgglePigglekauft, shortly after his death.

Television Series and rise to fame[edit]

Although it was thought that all members of the Night Garden Infantry were destoyed, just a select few were spared by the humans for entertainment value. Together, the last Iggle Piggle soldier along with the last surving Upsie Daisy and Makka Pakka soldiers opened a late-night television sitcom on Channel 4 under the name of their old infantry unit. The show became incredibly popular amongst adult audiences and later evolved to dominate the television, with its satirical and witty comedy, heart pounding action, romantic issues and intense sword fights.

Drug addiction controvesy[edit]

Iggle had to resort to organised crime to fuel his drug addiction and rockstar life...

After the booming success of the first series of In The Night Garden, the last Iggle Piggle settled down into the lifestyle of the rich and famous. Unfortunately, since the lifestyles of the rich and famous usually involves sex, drugs, rock and roll and baby eating, Iggle Piggle became a crack cocaine addict after his new celebrity friend Paris Hilton offered him the drug after promising "What harm can it do?" This led to a terrible addiction that led to the cancellation of In The Night Garden. The shows producers insited that he was clean before they could even think of bringing the show back on the air. There is a little known fact that iggle had to resort to crime to fuel his petty lifestyle, he would occasionally blow off the manager of his rock band for more money. This is, in fact, how he achieved the life of a pre-school star.

Post-Rehabilitation and Exile to Woolworths[edit]

After spending a full 53 years in a rehabilitation centre, Iggle Piggle has decided to become what he always wanted before the tide of war turned him into an unstoppable killing machine. Entertaining children as a cuddly toy for just £35.50 at Woolworths. He did not want to return to In The Night Garden as it had taught him some harsh lessons in life. One of which is to not trust the blonde lady he saw on the internet with a night vision camera. Unfortunately in Woolworths he was constantly touched by strange old men in places that have scarred him for life. Also, with the terrible effetcs of crack, his artificial voice box has suffered severe damage. This is why he can only say the phrase "Iggle Piggle loves his blanket and he can only say this when someone touches his right foot.

Iggle Piggle, Spring of 2004 in his new home of Woolworths. Sometimes he makes extra monies assisting T'Arctic Monkeys writing songs or chillaxing/sexxing it up with John Barrowman.


The dodgey 4 liberty spikes on his head are actually missiles. These launch as a defence system when someone rubs his tummy or some shit like that.
He is a fan of The Beach Boys.
He tore off Def Leppard's drummer's arm.
He was though to act as a CTU agent in the series 24. However, it is said that if him and Kiefer Sutherland are ever in the same room for too long, the universe would get some serious pwnage. Also, Iggle Piggle could never see Sutherland as an ally and would probably rip Sutherlands arm off and beat Sutherland to death with it, like he did with Def Leppard's drummer.
He tried to goose Russel Brand.
He is the son of the Dahaka.
One day he dreams of becoming a national News Anchor

Super Abilities[edit]

Iggle Piggle is known to possess many special powers which he uses to kill everything he see's