Imminent Death Syndrome

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“ Hey, go easy on him. He's a long time sufferer of IDS. Oh, and he's such a great comedian. Those props, pfft. I mean, ahahaha.”

Imminent Death Syndrome is a serious disease which affects some of the world's foremost pop icons. Symptoms include decreasing recording and ticket sales, sitcom cancellations and appearances on Conan O'Brien's show. Those suffering from IDS, as it is often called, are at risk of debilitating psychological problems, substance abuse and suicide. They can, however, live happy and productive lives for up to sixty years or more. The key is early disgnosis and treatment. The world has known for many years that Chuck Berry, Keith Richard, Les Paul and Johnny Winter could "die at any minute." This knowledge alone has propped up their careers and kept them alive.


Some famous cases of IDS include:

  • Wayne Newtown
  • Michael Richards
  • Leroy Nieman
  • The artist Cristo
  • Oprah
  • Juliette Lewis
  • Jerry Lewis
  • Jerry Lee Lewis
  • Anne Rice
  • Clarence Thomas
  • Stephen Hawking (truly a brilliant man)
  • Quentin Tarantino (the actor, not the director)
  • Hootie and two of the Blowfish
  • The man who draws Ziggy
  • The man who draws Family Circus
  • Possibly Jeff Foxworthy

These people are, of course, the best of anyone at what they do (they could go any minute!).

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