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Another poor victim of Michael Jackson

“Having a hard time with male potencies? Well, I don't, and I'm Bob Dole. What's wrong with you? Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up.”

~ Bob Dole on Impotence

“Yeah right...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bob Dole's ability to get it up

Impotence is a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Contrary to urban myth, it was invented and popularized by Michael Jackson in the late 1600s. Impotency is traditionally associated with athletes and teenagers; however, in the 20th century it has spread rapidly among Asians, Canadians, and Your Dad.

Symptoms of impotency can include, but are not limited to:

  • Baldness,
  • Gingervitis,
  • Obesity,
  • lack of female companionship,
  • the absence of self respect and .
  • the inability to write an Uncyclopedia article
  • Andrew Wong

Curing Impotence[edit]

In 1984, seven 3rd world countries were nuked sold given unlimited resources with instructions to find the cure for impotency. After mistakenly creating Bryan Adams, Nicole Ritchie, and Margaret Thatcher, the countries came up with the cure and thus the Cold War ended and Trojan came out of bankruptcy. The cure they found, Penicillin, at first had limited use with NASA, but shortly after its invention, Albert Einstein, a patent officer working in Pfizer's swiss branch, discovered that if mixed with kitten fur, its effectiveness was practically useful. For his outstanding contributions to the science of Kitten Huffing, Einstein was awarded an igNobel Prize and given an unlimited supply of his concoction, which he named Mycoxafloppin™. It is now common knowledge that the only way to cure impotency is to consume one (1) bottle of Mycoxafloppin™ before discourse.

Preventing Impotence[edit]

As of 10-30-20006, the only known method proven to prevent impotency is to castrate yourself, put your 11th finger in a box, and don't look at it. That way, it will always have a 50% probability of being vigorous and proper, instead of floppy. (See Schrodinger's Cat). According to Pieter Jan injecting large doses of peanutbutter on a regular base it'll prevent impotence


The most common causes of impotency can be seen at this other Uncyclopedia page: Worst 100 Things to Stick your Dick in.

See Also[edit]