In The Groove
- This article is about the video game. For what to do after you "Get Into the Groove", see Madonna.
In The Groove, also known as ITG, is the unholy bastard child of Satan's puppet company, Roxor. It was created to destroy the empire that was Konami by being better, faster, and harder. ITG players are usually covered in herpes and are in constant pain from their persecution after they betrayed DDR, the one true dance game. Playing ITG is condemned by Super Pope, as well as Popezilla and God or whoever you believe in.
ITG was first released in 2152, then brought back in time to 1936, where ITG artist Danny Glover met L. Ron Hubbard. The music in ITG is based on the work of 5 artists. One of which, not to name any names (Nina), snuck into the other artists' rooms, killed them, and stole their songs and chips.
There are many notable players, three years after Roxor exploded from Konami's lawsuit.
Don1138 - The epic godly player resides in Tampa,FL playing on r21 awsomesness, best known for having stamina and raping californiamist Strangeprogram score with 100% (thats for stars btw)
Kaze - This buttfuck of a player can read mods pretty good with a world record of 60.98% on NM, and his dog has a good sense of rhythm. He is known for his Insomnia courses, and the fact that he hates you.
The Cosmic Pope - Starting out, he was but a wee baby Weemo who was horrible at dancing games. The Gods above chose him to be the Pope of dancing games who just happened to be Cosmic. All the Gods had put all their faith into their new found Pope who let them down. He was horrible even with the powers bestowed to him by the Gods. However, with hard work and DRAGONFORCE. He became a very notable lame player.
Zetorux- World Records on everything.
Naota - Much better than you in every way and probably gay too.
Rynker aka. The Nigger Patrol - This player is notable for being a stamina whore, he was the first person to pass "200bpm 16th notes for three minutes." He is also widely believed to be a closet furry, due to his 'hatred' of furrys, however, it is a proven fact that he is in love with Renard, and wants to buttfuck him.
JDongs aka. Sockfag - This retarded 15 year old was the sole reason dancing games were destroyed. He takes off his shoes when he plays and rapes the brackets. It is proven that despite passing some crazy shit, he has no stamina when it comes to really playing the game, and not air humping the future. Even though he has a ridiculously high score on No Princess and many other songs. He is not better than rynker ever.
Californiamist - is legit beast status.
Corey Wedge - The greatest machine dancer to ever step foot on the dancing stage.
Darklink - He's a terrible player who can't pass 13s, but he is known for the fact that he owns his own ITG2 Dedicab, which he managed to fuck up by being a jewish-nigger-spic with r23 and a shitload of off sync shit.
Archi - Has the most fagtastic voice in the world, is believed to be gay for anyone that owns a machine so he can play for free. Oh, and he's pretty good at the game too.
mDaWg - Now hates everyone that still plays this game but is a odd guy, when it's not his time of the day.
Little Matt - Mysterious player, everybody hates him at the point to add him to stupid groups such as MGH. Whatever you do, DO NOT LOOK AT HIM IN THE EYES or it'll stop you for metrics.ini
An epic battle has been waged for at least 100 years now between the rivals Team Dragonforce and Team Murder. It all started when the celestial religious being, The Cosmic Pope here by proclaimed, "WE ARE TEAM DRAGONFROCE TO ENTER YOU NEED APPROVAL OF ALL TEAM DRAGONFORCE MEMBERS." And soon the group swelled to 15 members, then the Anti-Dragonforce of the group, also know as "Mad Matt" got bored last Thursday and rebelled against Team Dragonforce with acts of treason. No one is quite sure what exactly happened that day, but the message was found, "DEAR TEAM DRAGONFORCE. I resign. MURDER.Mad_Matt." Starting the biggest rivalry in dancing games ever. It was quickly learned that in addition to Mad Mathews, MURDER consisted of DONGS and MISTS. Shortly after the conception of MURDER, they stole 99% of Team Dragonforces records, but ironically enough, none of them were taken by the founder of MURDER because he is a noob that plays no bar. MIST was the one that stole the records, Crying out at 97% on the Bravery of MURDER. MIST became the worst enemy of Team Dragonforce. However, it wasn't long until it was discovered that Mad Matt lived by the founders of Team Dragonforce, hence sparking even more rivalry between the groups.
The ITG2 dedicabs have all been fixed with a number of defense mechanisms, such as land mines and buzz saws. This is to prevent any sabotage from the DDR loyalists as well as to keep inexperienced n00bs from spreading their filth all over the pad. Roxor was also able to create harder songs with more difficult ratings after sacrificing two Iraqi prisoners of war to Satan. Also, Jewish ITG lobbyist Jack Abramoff bribed several Republican senators into passing a law allowing the use of 3 and 4 arrow jumps (and even more than 4 arrows at once, for mutated freaks), which can play hell with your joints on playing doubles. This lead to further injuries after its release, putting our nation's Asian population at risk. Once ITG was capped off by DDR due to Jealousy and Rage the loyal groupies of the world created a song pack called ITG3 and a large collection of "hacked songs". These songs are impossible to complete by mere mortals because they include what are called roll arrows. These roll arrows are also seismic disruptors which are slowly destroying the flow of the tectonic plates and will eventually lead to the downfall of the planet. In these new songs the difficulty has gone through an Eruption (Note the faggot in socks) increasing the maximum difficulty to the ridiculous level of up to 17 blocks. This means you must have 17 limbs to complete the song.
DDR vs. ITG
As In The Groove converted more pious Christians into witches, Konami began to look for ways to bring this evil empire to its knees. In 2000, Naoki Maeda forged a mighty song from the fires of Mount Doom and christined it "MAXX to the XXXimum". When it was tested by the focus groups, however, it was very unpopular since they knew that if they let this song come out, ITG would be obliterated with its suckitude. So they rejected it, saying it was "too hard" (of course, what they actually meant to say was that it was "too awesome" since they were demons of ITG and liked pretending they were cool). Naoki remixed the song and released it as "The legend of MAX", which was still a song of epic proportions.
Roxor took this opening to release VerTex², the song responsible for thousands of nerd deaths. Konami retaliated by creating Fascination MAXX and CHAOS, two unholy creations that defy nature and the law by exceeding the legal number of stops and speed changes. The release of Fascination ~eternal love mix~ attempted to put the final nail in the coffin, as well as fix the timing issues on the already fucked up DDR SuperNOVA machines, but ITG2 is still going strong and gaining strength. This ultimately became a contest between DDR and ITG as to who could kill the most kids.
The final blow from Roxor came in the form of a little kitty, Little Kitty Mine mine to be exact. This ungodly song has murdered hundreds of thousands of nerds and almost caused the demise of the 4-panel dancing game. Many players have tried passing this song but the end result is always the same. The world record stands at 13.37% by Leonard Cohen. At the ITG world cup in 2006, it was the random song chosen for the tie breaker but even the mad skillz of LilQ and Damien were not up to the challenge. A Warning to all who plan to attempt this song in the future: Make sure you have life insurance, and don't forget to bring a towel.
Before the lawsuit became completely legal, Roxor spewed out secret beta versions of ITG3 before Konami landed the final blow, which ended up turning into a full-blown war. Naoki headed the DDR army whilst Kyle Ward, epic step/song maker extraordinare, lead the ITG army in an all-out battle royale. This great conflict was officially documented by an ITG crony formerly known as "TAKA" in a book called "The War of the Arrows", which accurately depicted the epic, bloody battles which took place during that time, including the destruction of the world when the bioterroristic Jokr never got Kyle Ward and ate a bomb, exploded, and infected the world with STDs.
Baby Black Jesus created itgfreak.com on February 32, 2000¾. In its first year of existence, ITGfreak.com was a holy utopia of intelligent human beings, and possibly a spacecat or two (one of these cats was rumored to be named Milo). These people (and cats) were allowed to discuss freely their burning hate for DDR. However, apparently someone (not naming any names here) pissed off Baby Black Jesus (BBJ). BBJ decided to punish all of the intelligent people on the interwebs, and he cast down the much-feared 16½-footer plague. From then on, ITGfreak.com has fallen deeper and deeper into the
shitwormholes of the Internet.
Luckily, our Lord and Savior descended from the Heavens in the form of Blackbird, who basically just owned the shit out of the entire website. In order to escape the resulting bubonic plague, they were sent back in time to April 1, 2007. Not more than 316 hours later, the very same bubonic plague (now possibly nuclear) caught up with them again. After remaining in suspended animation for a duration of 2 weeks, ITGfreak.com was eventually awoken as a result of the endless stream of piss which was being poured onto it by those who actually gave a shit about the site.
To this day, with the exception of Socal (who are speculated to be simply too fucking cool to allow foreigners inside), it is believed that all awesome members of the Website Formerly Known As ITGFreak.com had somehow escaped to a better website, whose and location are still unknown.
On October 18th, 2006, Konami won the glorious fight against Roxor in court over the copyright issue that Roxor foolishly tried to bitch about. The spoils of the battle included the intellectual property rights to the ITG franchise, as well as fabulous cash prizes and parting gifts. Praise be to Allah, who has delivered the leviathan into the talons of the soaring eagle, flying overhead and shitting on America's ugly minivans. Kyle Ward (the artist who is behind smiley, KaW, Keel, Inspector K, PlagueTrucks, Kid Whatever, Dax, Your Mother, vyhd, KBit, OscillatorX, Coconut, Sausage, Bacon, Other Breakfast Meat(s), Dukamok, Anet, Three Days Grace, darkchao, Blue Man Group and just about every artist in the history of forever) commented on this sad event with these simple words "I'm not ZiGZaG"
ITG3's preview has been long awaited for 3 years. And leaks got out when they were actually working on it (2 weeks). Roxor is only half done. And they are currently on a manhunt to find whoever lost the remote. They searched the couch then fell asleep because they are too lazy to get off their ass to do anything except watch Rugrats. Ryan McKanna said about this subject, "As much as I care about ITG, I want to turn the volume up on Rugrats even more. I'll work on it later." Chris Foy said "I'm not interested, when it's about time to make the steps, I'll just bash 1-4 on StepMania while it's set to 16th notes."
The adopted red-headed stepchild of Microsoft Office Groove, Vyhd's Nignog in Zimbabwe outdoes StepMania in OpenNess(tm). After the first ITG apocalypse dating to a post-ITG3 era, a seed was planted in a flat area rich in soil among the ruins, near Plaguefox's couch. A Jesus-like figure named infamouspat gazed at the now growing bud and realized what had to be done. He undid his robe, pissed on it, and the plant withered and died. There's no such thing as OpenITG.