Inebriated

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Inebriated is the altered state of consciousness now scientifically proven to be necessary to the survival of the human species.

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Effects on Human Behavior[edit]

Inebriation is an altered state of consciousness mostly found in males of the human species around the location of taverns, pubs, and kegs. These locations typically serve beverages containing bacteria feces which produce the afore-mentioned state. Taken in lighter quantities, these beverages produce hilarity. Taken in large quantities a state of inebriation occurs.

Under the Influence[edit]

Once in an inebriated state, the proper ordering of the brain is impaired so that judgment is skewed and reality is seen out of proportion. This allows for ordinarily ugly women, with whom males must mate to continue the human species, to take on an angelic beauty. The inebriated male will then attempt to mate with the female. It is said that before the arrival of cosmetics, and cosmetic surgery, the sole reason for the survival of the human race is due to the bacteria’s feces.

Once the male is no longer inebriated, he generally wishes to leave the female, as his rationality has returned to him. The leech-like female inevitably clings to the male, refusing to let go. Fortunately, children are often born afterward, allowing the male to flee while the female is busy with her young. The male is then again free to repeat the process.

Recent Developments[edit]

Lately in history, a concept has arisen that there is an obligation on the part of the father to take part in the raising of his offspring. This is due entirely to the wicked matriarchal control that women exercise over the educational system. Being raised mostly by women, male children have been unduly influenced into thinking that having 2 parent is not only a good idea, but actually obligatory. As a consequence, generations of men have been enslaved, chained to women to whom they must bring home “the bacon,” instead of propagating the species. This culminated in the abolition of the sales and serving of the feces-rich beverage.

While this inhumane act on the part of women has been overthrown, in some countries of the world, the feces-rich drink is reserved for adults, thus depriving young men of their heritage. There is reason to believe on account of this that the females plan to impose their matriarchal will on the whole of humanity. If this should happen, the survival of the human race is dubious at best.