Ingredient

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
The North Siberian Stroganoff Ingredient (after processing)

Ingredients are small mammalian creatures that inhabit a widespread range of habitats over the globe. They are typically covered in dense fur of a variety of colours - depending on parentage and species - and stand at approximately 7 inches in height, though some of the larger specimens, especially the North Siberian Stroganoff Ingredient, have been known to reach almost a foot in height.

Origins and Spread of the Ingredient[edit]

The original genus, from which the many species of ingredient are descended, developed in the dense jungles of the amazon, feeding herbivorously on leaf litter and ground-level foliage. They spread from this environment after being brought to Europe on the ships of Spanish and Portuguese explorers returning home from pioneering in the 'New World'. The sturdy and adaptive Ingredient quickly learned to thrive in its new enviroment, adapting to the climate change and dietary provisions of its new home with remarkable speed.

From here it spread all over the Eurasian land-mass with a frightening speed, eventually reaching such distant corners as Siberia and the Indian Subcontinent, and, over decades, China and the Far East.

The Ingredient thrived in all these locations by swiftly adjusting to the new ecosystems and blending easily into and expanding the existing biodiversity of the habitats. It even learned to survive in urban landscapes and desert regions after slightly longer periods of adjustment and is, today, an integral part of the food chains in all of its locales.

Humans and the Ingredient[edit]

With such a rapid adaptation rate and versatility, an objective researcher might wonder how the Ingredient did not swiftly overpower and dominate its new environments, and become a pest and an ecological terror.

There is a simple reason behind this and that is its relationship with man. The pioneers who brought the ingredient back from South America did so because they found, when desperation in the jungle forced them to hunt the small creatures that they frequently encountered, that the Ingredient possessed near miraculous culinary properties. When processed, its carcass could perform a myriad of functions in the cooking, baking, boiling, roasting, frying, deep-frying, stir-frying, sautéing, steaming, smoking, pickling and barbequeing of every conceivable meal.

Since this discovery the global Ingredient population has been kept in check by the fact that it is used in almost every single foodstuff known to mankind.

The Secret Ingredient[edit]

How do they get the figs into fig rolls? ...Secret ingredient, that's how!


Rarely seen, never photographed, it is bred in captivity by Nepalese monks and, when slaughtered, is cured and processed by master chefs in the worlds most renowned and esteemed commercial enclaves. The by products of this particular breed give flavours so astounding that in its purest form it can render even the most jaded and bitter of food critics a gibbering maniac. It is used in a select few recipies including: secret sauce, secret syrup, secret seasoning and anything you ever got from a secret santa.