Inquisitorial Squad

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“Nobody expects the Hogwarts Inquisition!”

~ Draco Malfoy on Inquisitorial Squad

“I love it! Their own funder is going to eliminate them once they finish with his enemies...”

~ Tyber Zann on what he plans to do to the Inquisitorial Squad when their usefulness is gone

The Inquisitorial Squad is an organization based in Hogwarts that is charged with the noble duty of enforcing the will of Umbridge and the Ministry of Magic for which she represents. Formed as a response to turmoil gripping the wizarding academy, it was successful in its goals of bringing stability to the school, and became, by far, the largest and most popular student organization on campus (after opposition groups were stamped into the ground).


Dumbledore’s Army! The very mention of this traitorous organization rings terribly in the hearts of the good citizens and students of Hogwarts. Once on a course to overthrow the ministry and attempt an armed takeover of the wizarding world, this organization is now in its death throws thanks to the headstrong actions of none other than Dolores Umbridge!

Umbridge, our Savior[edit]

A career officer in the Ministry of Magic state security apparatus, Dolores proved herself with the framing capture of enemies of the party several Death Eaters and the preemtive execution of many suspicious characters.

She peacefully crawled up the hierarchy before being unanimously granted emergency powers over Hogwarts. Her first order of business as the change the corrupted and terribly inefficient defense against dark arts classes, capture enemies of the state, and otherwise bring glory and justice to our fine educational institution.


Her actions have naturally caused enemies to form. Dumbledore’s Army, an absolutely disgusting rebellion, has broken out and is threatening to destabilize all that has been fought for. Against such dangers, what shall we do in this ultimate hour of darkness?

Current Crusade[edit]

I, Harry Potter, am suggesting that all DA forces should lay down their arms and cease further hostilities. I would also like to tell my fellow DA that I am being treated nicely and humanely and that I am in no way being tortured or forced to give this message.

As the rightful leader of the magic academy, Dolores Umbridge decisively set the cornerstone for what will become the future enforcer of order where before was only anarchy. She was chosen by the Ministry itself to purge Hogwarts of all those who would harm its students and the wizarding world. The task that followed was daunting, but Umbridge and her cadre of heroes quickly and decisively eliminated the enemies who would otherwise disturb the peace and progress that took years to establish. Indeed, it can be said that without Umbridge, there would be no peace or security, for our student body.


Dumbledore’s Army (more like Dumble dork’s army!), now routing and broken, no longer have the ability to threaten our hardworking and loyal populace. However, the battle is not yet over! There are more enemies and evil spies among us even as we speak. We need quick recruits to reinforce the inquisition. As our might grows, they will be powerless to resist. Resignations are not accepted at this moment, and we encourage everyone to enlist in the Inquisitorial Squad.

The people of Hogwarts will emerge unscathed and victorious! The day shall be ours!

Sign up Today![edit]

Benefits include:

  • Pass to rest in the Slytherin Common Room and hang out with the cool people.
  • Free Bingo Saturday night.
  • Raise a grade in any class by one level (restrictions may apply; see professor for details)
  • DVD: “Inquistorial Squad Outtakes and Bloopers”
  • Five bags of Pumpkin Pasties when you sign up
  • All the sausage you can take!
  • Free Dental Work (this is Britain, you might need it)
  • Gryffindors need not apply

See Also[edit]

Harry Potter
Characters Hairy Potter · Ron Weasley · Albus Dumbledore · Severus Snape · Sirius Black · Luna Lovegood · Dobby · Lord Voldemort
Books List of Harry Potter Books · J.K. Rowling · First Draft · Catholic Church Version · Worst 100 Harry Potter Spin-off Novel Series of All Time
Places Hogwarts
Misc. Spells · Ripoffs · Snape kills Dumbledore · Dumbledore's closet · Potter's Sexuality · Inevitable Musical (Sequel)