Inspector Gadget

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“Never fear! Inspector Gadget is always on doody!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Inspector Gadget

“He's defeated me numerous times, what makes him think he can do it again?”

~ Dr. Claw on Inspector Gadget

“Why does he always get the credit? I'm the one doing the work!"”

~ Inspector Gadget's niece Penny on her Uncle
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Inspector Gadget.

Inspector Gadget is the (assumed) "World's Greatest Inspector". A cyborg who's body is filled with gadgets of all kinds. One has to wonder, though... if he has all those gadgets in his body, did they remove all his organs and stuff to put them all in? If so, how does he live? And does he have a brain? He has a bunch of hands in his head that sprout out of his hat. No one knows the answers to these questions, and because of this mystery, it makes Gadget the most mysterious man of all time.

Inspector Gadget: Epic Man, or Killing Machine?[edit]

When Gadget's high, NO ONE IS SAFE!!!

Half man, half machine, all personified of a bungling, clumsy, and naive police detective, inspector, superhero, Punisher and rumored alien. Gadget's true origins are unknown. In addition, his methods are highly mysterious and at times even controversal. Some say that his desire to solve a case may wreak havoc on all those around him. Some even ended up hospitalized. Some say he may be a madman hellbent on bringing about the Armageddon, but no one truly knows. His demeanor may even provoke fear in the hearts of men.

Inspector Gadget (Real name: Robocop) was born in 1962, in Paris, France, but raised in Houston, Texas, where he lived a simple farm life until his arm got caught in a tractor. He quit thereafter, and decided a pursue a less dangerous life, without any success. One night, while carrying a small shark, he was then met with some sort of unfortunate accident where he was being attacked by a pack of hoop snakes, pile-drivered by falling meteors from Uranus, and was then ran over by a car being driven at high speeds in an attempt to go back to the future with a "flux capacitor".

He was taken to the hospital in critical condition shortly thereafter, and a representative from a science organization, "DiCK Labs", offered to treat him. If this is correct, it may explain the origins of Gadget, but DiCK seems to deny it being true, even though they were bribed with money, women and power.

Soon afterwards in his life, after working as a parking meter maid, he was promoted to "Health Inspector", then "Car Inspector", then finally an "Inspector Inspector" before being promoted to just a plain Inspector and recruited into the Metro City Police Force by Chief Quimby, who invented exploding messages for some reason out of drunken stupor. The fact that he kept giving Gadget these exploding messages, only to have them blow up in his own face when given back to him, always made the other officers in the force question his sanity, as he has been known to go out at nights, drinking many beers out of depression and puking long and hardily later on from all the alcoholic consumption. They started questioning it more so when he began sending Gadget all over the world to solve international cases, even though such a thing is not a part of the police force operation. When Quimby began to dress in drag and in revealing women's clothing while screaming "I am the King of France!!!", they decided then it was time to call the asylum.

This gave him the title of "World's Greatest Inspector" though he always would boast on that. Oh yeah, and he had a tendency to hurt himself a lot. Gadget holds a Guinness Record for "Hurting Himself The Most". He once got mauled by bears after accidentally falling on one, and had his nose sliced off by a pizza slicer in his attempt to cut a pizza as well.

Go Go Gadget Vibrating Finger!

Gadget has waged a one-man war against the forces of MAD, run by one Dr. Claw (Real name: Joe Kraw), a notorious pimpin' madman with many hos and said to be running a bordello (Called "The MADhouse"), who wears steel plated gloves with fancy flashy jewerly on rings on the fingers. Despite his name, he has no actual claw... unless you count his toenails, which he has never cut in over 30 years. He is also not related to Santa Claus (or his evil twin brother "Santa Claws"), and he has a fat cat named Mad Cat (Real name: Elliot Masters Sinclair).

The exact depth of the relationship between Claw and Gadget is unknown, but it is rumored they were once lovers. This was proven false when Dr. Claw began hanging around women and Gadget found a love interest in Motoko Kusanagi after landing on her Tachikoma.

Gadget's Personal Life[edit]

He currently resides in a peaceful neighborhood with his neice, Penny Gadget (Real name: Pennington McGadgety Hoopzatronic IX), and his dog Brain (Real name: Brain). He now works as a burger flipper, having retired from his duties. No one is sure why Penny is living with her uncle without any questioning on why. Reportedly, she has asked where her parents are, but Gadget always avoids the question.

“One day I asked Uncle Gadget where my parents are. He looked like he was about to answer, then suddenly he said 'Well, better go see what the Chief wants! Look after Penny, Brain.' and ran off. Come to think of it... he said that whenever I asked him that question. Isn't that odd? Hey, that MAD agent is coming after--AAAH!!”

~ Penny Gadget on the mystery of her parents just before she is kidnapped again


~ Brain the Dog on Gadget's odd behavior on the subject

“I'M NOT INSANE!!! Inspector Gadget is the insane one, I tell you!! He's a MADMAN!!! WHY DID I PUT UP WITH HIM?! Exploding messages!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!! NOOOOOO!!!”

~ Chief Quimby on Inspector Gadget, shortly before being shot with a tranquilizer

At one point, there used to be a young man who followed Gadget around on his adventures named Corporal Capeman (Real name: Irwin Bunyan Jones). He was described as a fat, pasty, pizza-faced geekwad who was kicked in the head by a horse when he was a little boy, which in turn made him a mentally retarded douche and he believed he was a superhero, age 30, living in his parents' basement. He reportedly saw Gadget as a mentor, but the Gadget family saw him more as a pest gradually with time.

A month or two afterwards, Capeman mysteriously disappeared. No one knows where he went or what happened to him last, though he was said to have last been seen following Gadget around. However, a bloody, bent-up helmet that belonged to Capeman was later found 3 weeks after his mysterious disappearance. His parents didn't seem to care.

“Wowsers! Murdered? Gosh, I hope no one finds out I..... forgot to wear underwear this morning. Eheheheh...heh. Well, gotta go.”

~ Inspector Gadget on Corporal Capeman

“Don't look at me. I had nothing to do with it.”

~ Dr. Claw on Corporal Capeman


~ Mad Cat on Inspector Gadget

Whether or not he actually married Motoko Kusanagi is anyone's guess, though Penny claims to have found a bra lying around his bedroom that was three times bigger than the average breast size and certainly didn't belong to her.

Because of his false limbs, Inspector Gadget was allowed to compete in the Disabled Olympics in 1984, 1985, and 2029 before he was sent back. His personal trainer "John Conner" suspected he may have been taking illegal steroids as he won most events effortlessly.

Inspector Gadget is also an avid supporter of the Self-Mutilation league of Guildford. Mental health experts have been quoted describing him as "A pinnacle of mental health and normalness. THE man of our times"

Theories on how Inspector Gadget was gadgetized[edit]

An artist's rendition of Inspector Gadget after emerging victorious from a battle with his father, Unicron

No one is sure. DiCK has refused to comment or explain, and have even claimed they never even heard of him. When asked on this himself, Gadget was attacked by MAD agents, where he then proceeded to kill them--including the reporters (by accident).

“We refuse to comment or explain anything having to do with Inspector Gadget. That name doesn't even exist, even though I just said it. That time there was just a coincidence, due to my, uh, Tourette's. INSPECTOR GADGET!!! See? Tourette's made me say that.”

~ DiCK Lab Technician on if he knows about Inspector Gadget

However, some have come up with theories on how he got his gadgets.

  • He tripped and fell.
  • He was created by aliens.
  • He was abducted by aliens and they used him for cybernetic experiments.
  • He was created by George W. Bush.
  • He was abducted by George W. Bush and used him for cybernetic experiments.
  • He got in a car accident.
  • He did it to himself and it really hurt.
  • He was born from a T-800.
  • He was just born that way.
  • Rumor has it he was created by MacGyver with a matchstick, dryer lint, a potato, and duct tape. MacGyver would then improve upon this and add more to him.
  • He is Unicron's son. There is also rumor going around recently that he is the one who really killed Unicron (this has not yet been proven).

He is the son of Skynet.

The Other Inspector Gadget Person[edit]

Disney's attempt at making their own Inspector Gadget.

At some point, an evil company known as Disney emerged, and desiring to take over all the world's chicken and ever-growing human population, created their own version of Inspector Gadget: Bigger. Better. Faster. Stronger. Pickle. This "new" Gadget supposedly had the strength of 100,000+ things; 50,000 hookers, 30,000 Hulk Hogans, 20,000 Rosie O'Donnells, an orphan boy, and a tiny trembling chihuahua (or however the hell you spell that name of breed). The results were messy, and in the end the cyborg broke loose and ran amuck. Many good SWAT teams, C.O.P.S, SOLDIERs and G.I. JOEs were lost during several attempts to stop the evil Gadget, but all encounters with him met with disastrous results, especially one involving a pickle, a plastic spoon and a pair of underwear. Experts say that the unrest in this Gadget's system was caused by the use of Windows, mixed with the use of Mac peripherals.

His whereabouts are currently unknown, but has reportedly been going around the world under the name "Q". No one is sure what this means.

At one point, "Q" and the real Inspector Gadget met and it was a clash of titans of epic proportions so big, that if you could look up the word "big" in the dictionary, this battle wouldn't fit in it, and it's larger than Queen Latifah's appitite (or Queen Latifah herself, for that matter.). The impacts from their blows rocked the Earth, shaking it and everything in it like as if it were a cereal box. It raged on for hours, even weeks. They smashed through building after building as the cyborgs battled each other to prove who is the REAL Inspector Gadget. It was a fight of invention vs. invention that left a wake of destruction in its path and even destroyed an entire arcade full of DDR machines. Everyone who was not sucked into this fiasco of frenzied dancing cheered happily to be rid of the evil dancing games. At least for the moment.

Eventually, after 17 weeks of nonstop fighting, they called the fight off and "Q" left to start a farmlife, while Gadget returned to get repairs (mainly because all the damages to his person were caused by himself) and maybe call Motoko over after rescuing his niece from the clutches of MAD again. Everyone was amazed. Fortunately, there were barely any casualties, unless you count someone's poodle that got caught in a crossfire between the two, but nobody likes those ridiculously sexy things anyways, they suck. Also at one point during the battle, "Q" blew up a news copter full of reporters, and a three eyed man pointed to the sky and yelled, "It's okay! I can see their parachutes!" before being blown up himself.

Dr. Claw, however, was outraged that he didn't come up with the idea first and launched a nuke on Disney that eradicated it from the map, as well as killing its annoying mascot.

Everything would soon settle and rebuild and life would continue normally... until DiCK Labs created Gadget Boy. But that's a tale for another season.

See Also[edit]