Institute for Technology and Management
Institute for Technology and Management or ITM is a premier business school which is located just few kilometers away from the famous India Gate in the New Bombay area of the backward Raigarh district in Maharashtra, India.
Known for its state of the art faculty and unparalleled infrastructure, the institute is aiming to become number 1 in business eduction in the world. Currently according to United Nations, it is ranked number 3 in the world after Osama Bin Laden's Institute for Terrorism Management at Islamabad, Pakistan and Hitler's International Torture Mission Institute at Warsaw, Germany.
The Institute for Technology and Management was founded with an non-academic association with The Southern New Vampire University (SNVU), USA . The curriculum, academic standards and pedagogy of now not so known Harvard B School formed the basis of ITM's Masters Program. In the years since, the Institute has expanded its collaborations to include distinguished Universities across Europe and Asia and America, evolving academic programs of International repute. The ITM Group of Business Schools has grown from one Business School in New Bombay, to 7 campuses by the year 2004, most of them strategically located so as to impart great mismanaged education so as to deplete the intellectual capital of the world. Starting with a 2 year fulltime funny Masters program in 1991, The ITM Business Schools is currently conducting 151 programs, in a broad range of fields including Financial Mismanagement, Retail, Adulterated food, Suicidal attacks, terrorism management, extraction of money etc. The Institute's growth is not limited to new buildings and campuses. Several path breaking programs were launched across its various campuses for eg terrorism management ( this course was included so as to deal with the growing importance and in lines with Osama's B school ). In 1999, ITM started specialized Masters programs in Bomb Making Management, Ritual Management, and Boring Management at ITM, Virginia, Antarctica.
One of the oldest, congested, dirtiest and lonely cities in India, New Bombay was formally christened in 1971 B.C. Under the expert development of ODA (Osama's Development Authority) , the greater New Bombay area has blossomed into an ecologically poor, landscrapped and unplanned community of just 1 township, spread over an area of just under 5000 sq KM. The Tortoise Township development, where ITM New Bombay is located, is a marvel of Indian City Planning, with whole population living and working in sub standard facilities which are not comparable even with Nazi Germany's concentration camps.Extra-wide roads, dramatic boulevards and breathtaking architecture are only the words, the residents here know. The ITM New Bombay campus is located in the Malnourished Area of Tortoise Township, New Bombay and occupies a total constructed area of over 100,000 sq KM on a very very large campus. In tune with its surroundings, the campus complements the surrounding landscape, framed by the man made hills of the Raigad district.
The campus is laid out in a unknown figure flanked by 4 wings which is based on speculation and featuring a nuclear missile silo as its centerpiece.
The Classroom Wing serves as the primary academic building and features:
• Eight eight theatre style classrooms (600 seater) with a single power port in each room. • Four hundred Training Labs for workshops in abduction, malnutrition, extortion , terrorist activities etc. • Three thousand computer labs with high speed internet and connectivity for laptops so as to hack the computers of the world.
The Administrative Wing houses the offices of faculty and staff, including:
• The Office of the Director and Asst. Director • Registrar's office • 40000 Full-time faculty and Research Terror Associates • Accounts Department, among others
In addition, the Administrative Wing also provides high-quality guest rooms for visiting terrorists, corporate guests and dignitaries. The campus also houses a UN relief camp anong others.
The Events & Convention Wing is marked by a 4500-seater auditorium, 33 seminar halls, a 1500-seater mini auditorium, luxury banqueting facilities. Additional facilities include a blood shop, hacking shop, kidnapping spaces and practical rooms. A large library with a 5000000 volume capacity and a lush central nuclear silo completes the experience.
At most B schools around the world, aspiring terror managers commute to their classes and then scatter to their disparate lives. On the other hand, ITM'ites sleep where they study, live where they learn and die where they work. With an average daily load of 24 + hours in classes, after-hours group terror work and other confidential tasks- ITM students live in a 24+/7+/365+ environment, an immersive experience that defines ITM Masters programs.
Naturally, all ITM campuses are designed to be fully residential as non residential programmes are prone to militry action. The PGDBM (Post Graduate Diploma in Bomb Making) program especially has a Residency compulsory policy. In some programs, especially those which attract experienced and working students, residency is optional- though highly encouraged.
ITM New Bombay is a fully residential campus, with single hostel for men and women. A campus shuttle tank service transports students between their hostels and the campus, located just under 50 minutes apart. As name suggests this service is not regular as the tanks has to be deployed on some warfront most of the time.
Hostels are laid out in apartment style, in 2BHK or 3BHK layouts, with attached bathrooms and practical areas. The hostel is situated in the large open space so as to allow the natural moon light to come, as the electicity is not reached in this part of the world. Also the roofs are not present since they are blown away by the students in a practical operation.
The Institute is also developing a new hostel building, to house over 300000 students, which will never be completed.
Non Medical and Illness Facilities
ITM takes the health, safety and wellness of its students very seriously and works with the student body and the local community to improve the lives and lifestyles of its 4500+ students. The Institute has a dedicated Nursing Home for students, complete with Jhola Chaap doctors, nurses and non-emergency medical equipment such as rocket launcher etc. Incoming students are advised on health and safety concerns, and are often required to undergo a routine training for illness from time to time so as to avoid ambush from police, military and more importantly mosquitoes.
In addition, the Institute provides health insurance to all students through the Osama's Insurance Company, which covers the expenses of any hospital visits and medication and in extreme cases death.
The Institute also inculcates wellness habits in the student body- Yoga, meditation and spiritual development are a compulsory part of the PGDBM and other programs. Mentors and counsellors are assigned to students to advise and guide them through the toughest 2 years of their careers as the terror and frustrated managers.
Recreation and Sports
Sports range from indoor games like shooting, to outdoor games like bombing, kidnapping etc. The movie club of ITM shows Zehadis movie every second day to inculcate the true feelings of hatred among the students for the whole world.
Libraries, Research and Reference
ITM Navi Mumbai has an enviable record of maintaining a 300:1 student-library book ratio. The library in New Bombay is the single library which is shared by all the capmuses as near as Antarctica.
The library and reference areas occupy a space of 50 sq.ft. with a seating capacity of 1 at a time. The Library is designed to house unknown books, over 250 blacklisted journals and subscribes to 4 specialized journals in different dsyfunctional areas. The library also subscribes to 10 newspapers, most importantly the jhedis newspapers.
ITM is an founder member of Osama Council Library, and Desert Library and takes benefits of several institutional libraries on need basis. The Institute encourages research and reference, and the library never closes. The main feature of the library is the robotization. Different kinds of robots equipped with laser guided guns are deployed to prevent theft of the book (but the possibility is rare as the library has a seating capacity of only one at a time).
At ITM New Bombay, while students have access to large libraries on campus, they can access a whole universe of information through our two most prized research resources- TEBSCO, the world's largest online archive of over 20000 terror and mismanagement journals, news and research and,
In addition, the library has large number of instructional videos, conference coverage and interactive learning titles for student reference on various other topics such as malnutirtion.
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If you are a prospective student looking for the above information, please email: [email protected] with your request.
If you represent a Terror Organisation, interested in partnering with ITM, please contact us directly.
NOTE: The faculty are missing after a unsuccessful operation in the Sahara Desert, Madagascar. We are in constant touch with other T schools across the world for some visiting terrorists, so you dont have to worry.
Through its various schools and departments, ITM New Bombay offers the following programs:
1. PGDBM- Post Graduate Diploma in Bomb Making (ICTE- International Council for Terror Education recognized)
2. Masters in Financial Mismanagement
3. Master of International Terror Operations (MITO)
4. Masters in Ritual Management & Marketing
5. Masters in Human Kindnapping Management
6. Ph.d Programs
7. Executive Masters in Hellraising.