Institute of Totally Real Science
The Institute of Totally Real Science is actually a legitimate business secretly run for decades by George W. Bush where they study the effects of kitten huffing on 23-year-old monkeys and gorillas. The Institute is conveniently located in the penthouse of the World's Largest Pancake House, in Montreal.
Totally Real Experiments
One of the Institute's first successful experiments involved the creation of an anti-gravity device powered by rubbing balloons against your hair. While the weight and endurance parameters were meagre to begin with, the experiments eventually led to fleets of flying saucers bombing downtown Denver, Colorado. And if that isn't progress, I don't know what is.
ITRS vs. The Smithsonian
Late in the 4th Quarter, the Smithsonian was up by two points. That's when Coach Freindenberg turned to a hopeful young man on the bench by the name of Einstein Jones. Why the bench had such a curious name is unknown. With only seconds to spare, the young man grabbed the puck or the ball or the whatever, and made a mad dash for the goal. He was mad because he just learned his girlfriend had been cheating on him with a marked deck. Mark Deck denied it, but everyone knew what a liar he was. The shot arced into the air and into the goal just as the buzzer buzzed, as it was designed to do. The final score was Smithsonian, 125, ITRS, 127. Too bad nobody took pictures of it.
We don't have any spare money, so stop asking.