Intahnet

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

" “Since I am the Gov-ah-nah of Cah-lee-fore-knee-ya, I demand that Y.P.R. stay on the In-tah-net.”"

-The grandmother of YPR on the Internet [1]

Supposedly invented by The grandmother of YPR, the In-tah-net, or floppy disk distributed information volume, has been evolving and is slowly learning to dominate humanity and its demands for immediate porn. Through means of subtle, mind-controlling influences, as well as humanity's own foolishness, the Internet is slowly learning to make people serve and obey its desires rather than their own. Needless to say, the internet is serious business.

The Intahnet (not to be confused with the Internet) was invented as a highly dependable, high-speed, distributed, secure and powerful network so that in the event of a nuclear crisis, military officials would always have access to pornography. This government project was known as DARPA (Distribute And Replicate Pornographic Ambrosia). It has further been put forward as proof that a billion monkeys typing at random will not reproduce the works of Shakespeare. (See also: Wikipedia)

The Intahnet is especially useful for young teenagers who wish to view free porn which they cannot legally view. See: Gay porn.

Several examples of this include playing with people as it displays random numbers on boards, most notably on Wall Street in New York City.

Slowly the Intahnet is forcing humanity into its own extinction, as it makes people produce gases to kill themselves, and others it just kills outright, such as South Koreans.

You have spam!

Many have compared the Intahnet with fine North German Bitter wine, both being wet and full of bubbles.

On the positive side, everything you read on the internet is carefully vetted and guaranteed to be absolutely 100% true (with the obvious exception of a small number of designated satirical sites such as Wikipedia).

In Shakespeare's English, the correct form was actually the Internets. Gradually, corruption occurred and people became used to the wrong form. George W. Bush, ever the noble grammarian, brought this correct usage back from oblivion in an act of compassion.

Synonyms: Interweb, Intarweb, World Wide Web, Webternet, World Inter Wide Webnet, AOL, Computers, Internerd, Intertron.

Historical Disputes[edit]

Many historians are conflicted on whether or not the Intahnet was made by the metallic clones of Al Gore. These robots, known as Al Goretron and Al Gorebot.

More information available in Al Goretron vs Al Gorebot

The Internet before the Intahnet[edit]

According to The Institute of Internet History [2] website, Internet means International Industrial Network of Steam Gulleys and Mechanical Actuators, is one of the most important technological developments in human history and was invented by Aldophus B. Huxley. Most of this is, however, a lie designed to ensnare the ignorant.

An alternate version of the Internet existed as early as 1896, This internet the presumed forefather of the modern version was Steam powered and was used to transmit specially coded Instructions to Mechanical Steam Looms throughout America and other nations, this Steam Internet was used until as late as 1936 when it was finally updated to Internal Combustion, the internet was vastly improved, and to this day the conversion is seen as the greateste speed bump to ever be performed, the current ElectroMechanical Internet is said to be 28% slower overall than the Internal Combustion Internet.

Little known facts[edit]

The Intahnet actually destroyed nearly all forms of speech communication by 2012 and replaced spoken language with MSN Messenger,Google Talk IRC N00b Talk. This article destroyed what was left.

The unit to measure intahnet traffic is a telegram, an SI-unit. To calculate the connection speed you need to move a certain amount of telegrams:

  • Translate your message into Morse code.
  • Calculate the amount of beeps. Make no distinction between long and short beeps.
  • The number you end up with is the connection speed in bps (beeps per second) that you'll need for the message to go through.

Many individuals, from Bill Gates to Dr. Thinker, have tried to conquer the Intahnet resulting in several massive conflicts known as the Internet wars against it's overlord the King of the Internet.

The Intahnet was originally started as the inner-lining of Grandmother's swimming trunks.

Favour among ISPs[edit]

When the concept of the Intranet really took off, some internet service providers such as AT&T, COVAD and BT relied on an Intranet to keep customers hooked up, as not only was it cheaper but it also made much more money, with little-to-no downside on the customer's behalf either. Even AOL and Comcast used them for a very short period, before switching back to the old method. British Telecom claimed that one of the benefits was that it made it easier for governments to monitor all posts, but when it was quickly proven to actually make it harder for government spying, BT and AOL stopped using it.

Another plus-side was that even in countries or planets without any internet access, as long as a modem and a computer was available, then the internet could be connected to. This was unintentional, but it could also deprive people of their internet access if it is turned off.

See also[edit]