Internet 2

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Following the huge success of the Internet, many wanted to see a sequel with more features. The Internet 2 is currently being developed by Al Gore Enterprises, though the circumstances of which the rights for the sequel was acquired are somewhat suspicious. For the sake of the general public, consisting mostly of your mom, it happened by magic.

Proposed features[edit]

  • Due to popular demand, the ability to stab people in the face will be added. This can be employed via ip-adresses or email adresses. The estimated death toll will depend on how many 12-year olds will invade the Internet the year Internet 2 is released.
  • Users will be able to insert their brain into the network and think directly with other computers, rather than go through all that tedious typing. Millions of people will however not be eligible for this feature, since they lack brains. These people can usually be narrowed down to your enemies. (Heh, heh.)
  • You'll be able to plug your tongue into any website, and take a taste. Preliminary tests prove that Uncyclopedia tastes stales urine, with a hint of elderberry. This feature will also render food useless, since users may gain all their daily nutrition right from cyberspace. It is, however, advisable not to browse... certain sites with this feature. Well, to be blunt, just don't click that lemonparty link, dummy.
  • An Auto-porn service is to be bundled with The Internet 2, to save users the hassle of looking for it themselves, since the Internet is for porn.

Known critics[edit]

Not all people are happy with The Internet 2.

  • Well known humanitarian rabbi Adolf Hitler says "If the Internet 2 is released, millions of third-world porn hosters will be out of a job. Please, think of the poor, starving porn hosters!"
  • Not quite so famous Oprah Winfrey, God and queen of Uglo-Americans, has stated "I don't like the Internet. Also, I don't like you." Oprah proceeded to beat the reporter to a pulp, and he was then left for dead by her, who presumably is still looking for her pie. And there was much rejoicing.
  • Dreaded sandbox developer and founder of IBM, Josef Mengele, commented that "The Internet 2 will ruin everything. I lost this yo-yo once, and then I lost my favorite sock, and after searching my coach for quarters I found this website called "Ekay", or something, and then there was this sock, and I was all like, 'Hey man, that looks like my sock', and they were all like 'No way man, it's like you're after the truth, which you can't handle', and then I was all like 'Yeah? Well I ate a cheese sandwich. It was good." Josef Mengele may have huffed one kitten to many.

Impact on life, the universe, and everything[edit]

The Internet 2 will have an impact on life the universe, and everything. The impact is estimated to be as large as a hippo colliding with a small planet at the speed of light^infinity. Add that to the combined power of the The Axis of Evil-Doers, and the Internet 2 is unstoppable! It may also result in the destruction of the entire universe, but progress is progress.