Internet wars

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Long before the events of N00b r0xx0r occured in 1690, in the very early days of the Internet, in the summer of 1209, (only 17 months after it's creation) the large scale Internet Wars broke out between Al Capone, Al Gore, and the almighty prince of darkness, Ronald. Much money was available for these hard hitters as Prohibition had recently been introduced, legislating against the trade of erotica and other visual stimuli.

An image of the war


Main article: Sexual Erotica probation act 1209

Due to the banning of Dildos, Buttplugs and other similar objects, everyone (except the rich) started to migrate to the internet, as it was the only human-occupied part of the galaxy where porn was still legal, but a group calling themselves "la Résistance française" (the French Resistance) decided to take over the internet and basically turn it into a new France, but those who opposed the French went to war with them to keep it under american ideology.

The French resistance declaring war.

Early battles[edit]

Stalin was eliminated early from the competition, when Al Capone hit him repeatedly across the back of the head with a baseball bat. This left only Ronald, the almighty prince of darkness, and Al Capone to do war for control of the internet, and ultimately the world’s illegal erotica trade. There were many, many innocent casualties as packets and bits were exchanged between the warring factions. Eventually Ronald put Al Capone into a cardboard box and mailed him to India, removing the last obstacle between himself and control of the entire Internet!

Soliders trying to keep safe the (early) internets from The french resistance

Ronald vs. Bob[edit]

As Ronald began to ascend the steps of the Great Tower of Net in order to claim his prize, a previously unforeseen challenger appeared from behind a darkened stairwell. Bob, using a previously unknown combination of wit, paperclips, fish magnets and the recently invented iPod, created the iProd and used it to banish the almighty prince of darkness back to the subterranean inferno from whence he came.

Bob, King of the Internet[edit]

Bob then became King of the Internet. All further conflict over the future of the internet was put down by Bob, who rules to this day with an iron fist. Bob has become one with the Internet, and now has the power to destroy the universe. He doesn’t, because he spends all his time with virtual girls.


The Internet war is not well remembered, and the last independent written research of it that was officially published was in 1829, but that time 200 years later (2029) it is considered to be a specific historic interest.

The Sexual Erotica probation act 1209 was repealed 2 days after the end of the war, so the war was a good thing for Peverts.

See also[edit]