Interstate 99

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Warning: This is the article about the fake Interstate
Interstate 99
Road
Part of the Jerry Seinfeld Interstate Highway System
Interstate
Length: Nonexistent
Form: ffff
South End: There is none
Major Junctions: None
North End: Nowhere
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Interstate 99.

Interstate 99 (I-99) is a hoax in which U.S. Route 220 in central Pennsylvania is claimed to be an Interstate Highway. It is commonly believed to have been started in 1842 by the citizens of Altoona, Pennsylvania, who wanted the Pennsylvania Railroad to place a large rail yard in their downtown area, destroying the slums and therefore getting rid of poverty. Alternate theories include Fresno, California Congressman Shud Buster sneaking a provision into the 1995 highway act, but he was a little tipsy and confused California with its twin sister Pennsylvania.

Route description[edit]

Wait... didn't we say it doesn't exist? Let's pretend it does.

I-99 doesn't intersect the Pennsylvania Turnpike near Bedford. Don't let the signs fool you; they're in on the hoax. It actually does serve Altoona, and then ends in a huge cave full of acid rock, trapping and killing gullible drivers.

Somewhere around here, there is Interstate 999 I999.png, but you have to input the Konami code and beat the last level to find it.

History[edit]

Well... uh... it still doesn't exist.

The April 31, 1842 issue of the Altoona Fish includes an article about the "New Interstate Highway", though some researchers claim a prankster inserted it into the archives, due to the fact that the "Wingdings" font it is written in did not exist in 1842. 175-year old Bonnie Swan claims to have been there, and distinctly remembers the Pennsylvania Railroad being swayed by the modern highway and driving out "those darn negros".

But that might be false. Here's another possible truth verifiable possibility:

Shud Buster of California wanted State Route 99 to be an Interstate for the same reasons as Bonnie Swan: he couldn't stand what had become of his once-fine city of Fresno. Unluckily, he had partied hard the previous night, and forgot which of the lovely states he had entered. Thus the final 1995 highway act included the following sentence:

The portion of the route referred to in subsection (c)(9) is designated as Interstate Route I-99.

Of course he meant subsection (c)(54), but who can remember all those numbers?

The state of Delaware passed a resolution in 2001 denying the existence of any Interstate 99 that does not pass through Dover.

Exit list[edit]

County Location Mile # Destinations Notes
Kern 0.00 I-5 south - The Angels This doesn't really exist.
Bakersfield 25.65 26 Downtown Bakersfield This doesn't exist either.
Tulare 96.55 97 Visalia Maybe this one exists? Nope!
Fresno Fresno 132.26 132 Fresno Civic Center This one exists. Just kidding.
Blair Altoona 867.19 Acid Rock Cave Now you're gullible and dead.
Interstate Highway marker Interstate Highways to as High as I can Count Interstate Highway marker
0 I000.png 1 I001-1.png 2 I002.png 3 I003.jpg 4 Interstate4.PNG 5 Interstate5.PNG 6 I006.png 7 I007i009.png 8 Interstate8.PNG 9 I007i009.png 10 Interstate10.PNG 11 I011.png 12 Interstate12.PNG 13 I013.png 14 I014.png 15 Interstate15.PNG 16 Interstate16.PNG 17 Interstate17.PNG 18 I018.png 19 Interstate19.PNG
20 I020.png 21 22 I022.png 23 24 I024.png 25 I025.png 26 I026.png 27 I027.png 28 29 I029.png 30 I030.png 31 32 33 I033.png 34 I034.png 35 I035.png 36 37 I037.png 38 80 39 I039.png
40 I040-1.png 41 I041.png 42 I042.png 43 I043.png 44 I044.png 45 I045.png 46 47 48 I048.png 49 I049.png 50 I050.png 51 I051.png 52 53 54 I054.png 55 I055.png 56 I056.png 57 I057.jpg 58 59 I059.png
60 I060.png 61 I061.png 62 63 64 I064.png 65 I065.png 66 I066.jpg 67 I067.png 68 69 I069.png 70 I070.png 71 72 73 74 75 I075.png 76 I076.png 77 I077.png 78 I078.png 79
80 I080.png 81 82 I082.png 83 84 85 I085.png 86 I086.png 87 88 89 90 I090.png 91 I091.png 92 93 94 I094.png 95 I95.PNG 96 I096.png 97 I097.png 98 99 I-99.svg
Higher than I can count  100 I100.png 101 102 I102.png 135 33 180 I180.png 238 476 I476.png 666 I666.png 678 777 I777.png 878 999 I999.png
The Outsiders  ? -1 In001.png IC-69 Ic069.png H-1 H-2 H-3 H-201 A-1 A-2 A-3 A-4 PRI-1 PRI-2 PRI-3
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