Iraq Study Group recommendations

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The Iraq Study group, hard at work :D Bush is telling the chaps there to calm down, as all is running smoothly!! (not)

The Iraq study group's recommendations are summarised in a very short (50,397 pages) study that repeatedly contains the words "get outta there, and FAST!!" throughout it, coupled with the words "if we don't get outta there quickly enough, this is gonna get worse faster than it's gonna get better!!" and it also features a complex study that summarises why 103% of americans (illegal aliens included) disagree with a war that's funny to watch in CNN but ugly when your son Johnny comes home in a coffin all stiff and full of lead fired by the Kalashnikov of an insurgent.

But say... What the hell is the Iraq study group?[edit]

The Iraq study group is a VERY IMPORTANT group (note the bold text, that emphasises the importance and seriousness of it all, oooohhh) that is trying to assess why so many American soldiers are being killed by stupid people who don't speak English and don't see them as the tree-hugging, freedom-loving, democracy-enthusiastic people they are.

Why does that exist?? Just ship more bullets and soldiers to Iraq!![edit]

Members of the Iraq Study group toasting for the happy bipartisanship

Well, that would be John McCain's approach, but he's crazy (he wants to run for office...) If I was a brainwashed neocon, or a faint-hearted democrat, I would describe the group's main motive as this:

“In light of the importance of Iraq to United States interests and the future of the region, there is urgent need for a bipartisan, forward-looking assessment of the situation in Iraq.”

~ Me being a dick on Thousands of Iraqis being killed daily

But seriously, do you really believe that? Nope. I mean, I know you couldn't keep a straight face while reading that, just as an atheist can't keep a straight face when reading the Bible. The Iraq study group exists because news anchors needed to give the appearance that something is being done about Vietnam v2.0 reloaded.

And is that working?[edit]

Our president's approval rate as influenced by the Iraq Study Group

Yes!! Yipee!! Or no?? As you could see it was working but I had to come and spoil you the fun by telling you that group is a scam. Oh well, if you read instead of watching the telly and hanging pictures of George Bush in your room you would have realised before. Or... was Georgie's approval rate so low that it would have hit negative numbers if it went any lower? Experts on mathematics consulted by your mom say negative approval rates were invented by Bush recently, and that they are perfectly consistent with his worldview and scientifically sound with the NOT WRONG theory (cough cough FACT cough) of creationism. Besides, since he can't be re-elected, he consulted his good cowboy friend south of the border, Vicente Fox, president of Mexico who was recently quoted saying:

“I am already leaving, I can say whatever nonsense I like”

~ Vicente Fox on Mexican politicians' sense of responsibility when close to leaving office

and Shrub, erm, Bush concluded that his approval rates can sink through and through, it doesn't matter. On 2008 Neocons will find a way of convincing the NOT GULLIBLE OR NAÏVE *sarcasm* people of the United States to vote for another Rep. Candidate that will finish da job.

A short assortment and selection of the best recommendations[edit]

  • Recommendation NO. 236: ...and based upon the last graph of casualties, we suggest we should leave.
  • Recommendation NO. 788: ...this proves that the best way to achieve peace is leaving.
  • Recommendation NO. 666: ...we could get our soldiers out by helicopter!! (really innovative!)
  • Recommendation NO. 123: ...our boys are fit, they could walk and get out of there.
  • Recommendation NO. 368: ...and we could also use planes and ships of the U.S Navy and USAF to leave.