Irish Civil War
“Fought with potato guns - LOL”
The Irish civil war started after one very drunk man took a bar peanut from another intoxicated man. It being Ireland and during happy hour, the fight soon escalated. It became common belief that the peanut had magical powers and could prevent the Olsen twins from making any more movies. On the one side, was Sean Mcseamus, cousin of famed rapper Kim-il-sung. He revered the might of the peanut.
- "Without the peanut, What would we do? I am not about to let such a holy relic in all its salty goodness be poisoned by some guy who wears a tutu!"
Phillipe McQueer,(standing staunchly on his tiptoes)the accused refused comment on the tutu.
- "The mighty peanut has been passed on for generations. Without it what would we drunks fight over? the lack o'jobs? Heh, that's not a bad idea!"
How could a simple disagreement become a civil war? The answer may surprise you. The peanut in ancient Celtic culture is a sign of welfare and nutty goodness. To the other Irish, it was good for use in non-stick underpants (though its use created much embarrasement, as it turned underware brown). oooh yea, famine and a very bad economy as reasons have been used way too often.
So these two factions, vying for control of the supply of magic peanuts(otherwise known as shitballs or dingle berrys), tore the country into two factions. One for brown chunky underpants, the other to stave off the Olsen twins. The war went on, from the countryside around cork all the way to capitol Beijing.
The return of vile Harlets
This unfortunately weakened the already plastered Irishmen. The olsen twins soon unleashed New York minute. The Irish however, united and called forth Stavros Niarchos III. Stavros Niarchos III took the virginity of the Olsen twins, stripping them of their virgin superpowers, which eventualy lead to drugs and bolimia.
With the olsen twins finally defeated, the search for the magic liquor was on. Five years ago, the magic liquor was found. Unfortunately the Irish didn't realize at the time it was the magical liquor, leading to the death of Kemal Ataturk and long time associate Matt "Jamo" Jamieson.
The world mourned as the great leader of Turkey Matt "Jamo" Jamieson was laid to rest. The famous porn star , "Danmyman", was honored in nudist attractions the world round for his inordnitly large dick. Phillipe Mcqueer is now Malaysian transsexual prostitute and Mcseamus is an underground rapper named "Po fo shizzle dizzle".