Irish Potatoe Famine

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The Irish Potato Famine devastated the economy of 19th century rural Ireland, as a terrible blight destroyed the island's entire population of snakes. The Irish potato's localised diet consisted almost entirely of snakes and, robbed of its primary food source, the once majestic herds of Irish potatoes began to dwindle. By 1850 (the Year of the Laminated Dolphin in the traditional Irish calendar) the wild potatoes had been wiped out — only the domesticated herds remained, scattered across the country in small farmsteads.

Apparently the famine started when Cody went to mine some potatoes... in his basement. Somehow water got onto the potatoes and they all died.

These herds had survived because of the rugged determination and improvisation of the Irish farmers. Driven by a need to make a living and a deeply rooted love of their herds, these hardy fishermen of the land found alternate food sources for their beloved herds. The surviving potatoes were thus sustained on a diet of Sunny Delight and waffles, a poor substitute for their staple diet of serpents but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Alas, the Irish soon realised that their potatoes could not exist on this meager diet for much longer. And so, with heavy hearts, they did what had to be done to ensure the survival of the mighty potato.

This climactic event, the Last March of the Spuds, is surely one of the most tragic and heartrending events in Irish history. The potatoe herders rounded up the last of their livestock and led them to the Grey Havens of Galway. Upon the rocky shores of western Ireland, the remnants of the species were loaded onto the mighty airships of the Tuatha De Dannan — the ancient elf-folk of Ireland and session guitarists for much of Led Zeppelin's early work.

Across the perilous Atlantic the airships flew, before finally landing in a New World. A world with enough snakes to feed the potatoes and their offspring for many generations.

They were not long in the new world before the Irish potatoes made contact with their distant relatives, the cheesy potatoes. Initially there was much hostility between the two tribes. In one of the darker eras of potato history, the newcomers waged a vicious campaign of ethnic cleansing against their cousins. How sad that the potatoes, after standing on the brink of extinction, now tried to visit their fate upon others.

A truce was finally declared in 1874, and there has been an uneasy co-existence that continues to the present day. The two sides have developed a grudging respect for each other; today this is perhaps best displayed in a number of recent Hollywood 'buddy' movies, such as 'Lethal Tuber' and its sequels.