Iron Cross

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Iron Cross.

The Iron Cross was created by Vampires in order to be protected by the Church after the Crucifiction of Christ. Already with Jesus preaching and exorcising demons, the Vampires felt like they were in a lightly bright room rather then a dark corner in which they would prefer. The church had bought the idea of the cross from the Romans after many bickerings in which one of the disciples; Judas, committed suicide. The Nazis stole the symbol and used it to award spelling bee winners.

The Iron Cross, as stolen by the Germans

History of the Cross[edit]

After the possession of the use of the cross (won after the fire in Rome which Nero knew who actually did it), the Christians used the awkard tool to attack those who they didn't like. The hammer- er I mean cross- was used like a hammer in which the persons head was bashed in repeatedly until the cross was covered in blood.

However, many of their new pagan weed-smoking followers didn't agree with all the rampant violence and demanded them to stop. The Church, scared that they may be conquered and raped as they did to others quickly submitted to their demands. They instead decided to put a nude figure on the cross so that it would attract many of the females into the Church so that the Chruch may grow greatly.

The Many Materials of the Cross[edit]

Becuase the Wooden Crosses used to bash people were banned because of all the flying splinters created by the impact, the Church looked to different materials such as lead, uranium, and silver. These were the most unusual elements of their time. Though many devout followers died from lead poisoning because they would touch everything they ate with the cross to bless it. The Uranium Rods were loved by many because they glowed in the dark. Whats better then a glowing man on a cross?

Though, people eventually got tired of them glowing all the time and production halted on the Uranium Rods until they came back into production in the 1950s. The Silver Crosses came out to be the best because like the Lead it was hard and like the Uranium, it was shiny. Therefore silver and gold crosses became the newest style, thus starting the term "bling bling" which is similar to the sound of Crossmatch in which each competetor duel each other with crosses.

Vampires were appalled at the Naked Figure on the crosses and ran away from any they saw due to their homophobia. Though the Church, angry at how much Vampires sucked at and out life. Thus the holy crusade began against Vampires. Theses hunts took place mostly in Croatia and Transylvania with peasants cutting their wrist to attract the Vampires.

Revenge of the Vampires[edit]

Being attacked by all fronts, the Vampires decided that in order to avoid persectution, that they must seem like Christians themselves. they therefore developed a cross made out of iron (Iron feels cold like vampires all the time) and chose the pointed tips on the Iron Cross to be implemented for n00b vampires to help draw blood from their victims. Through the ages though the Christian Cross was molded also of iron thus removing the uniqueness of it until it was revived by the German people. At this time, Hitler rose to power and began awarding his best soldiers (spelling bee winning pussies) with the Iron Cross.

Nowadays the Iron Cross is used by fat bikers and teenagers that either like West Coast Choppers or think they are cool Neo-Nazis.

Nazi Spelling Bee Winners[edit]

  • Jesus - 10AD - He was the only one to participate that year
  • Chuck Norris - 500AD - It was the only spelling bee he was ever in. No survivors but himself were reported.
  • Eva Braun - 1939 - It is suspected she was only awarded becase she gave Hitler a blowjob before the contest.
  • Hans-Ulrich Rudel - 1944 - He was the only person to have actually won the contest without cheating.
  • Your mom - 2000 - The latest winner, also suspected to have won becase she gave Hitler a blowjob.