Ironman

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Birth[edit]

As always, Ironman is known to be an excellent host.

THE GAME!!!!!!!!!! Born in the fictional country of Sta Rk, Anthoniusatoriusio Toniettoriusan Sutarakurasios was the only son of the then-king Toniettoriusan Sutarakurasios. As he was the only heir, the kingdom was handed over to him upon his father's timely demise. At that time Anthoniusatoriusio was 5 years old. He started spending the inherited fortune. At the age of 19, he decided to make a suit of flying armor out of Gold-plated Iron only because he was afraid of dying. His first 25 attempts failed. So, he hired Prof. Sen Yin to help him manufacture it. As he found out that most people could not pronounce his name, Anthoniusatoriusio Toniettoriusan Sutarakurasios decided to shorten his name to Anthony Tony Stark. Sen Yin finally invented a working suit of many wonders. The suit could fry eggs, wash clothes, access the internet, store books, iron clothes, fix cars, wipe windows, grill chickens, etc, etc..... Anthony decided to use the suit to earn money as a pro-wrestler in New York. However, he let a robber past him instead of stopping him. Back home, he found that that robber had killed his mum. Enraged, he made a deal with the demon Mephisto. Mephisto gave him wonderful Tony Starkr powers in return for his soul. Just then, Anthony was kidnapped to a secret lab where scientists bombarded him with gamma rays and fused adamantiym to his skeleton, giving him a healing factor and metal claws. He then went to kill that robber for revenge. Since then, he has been trying to kill himself. However, his Ghost Rider powers caused him to be unable to die.

Life[edit]

The Ironman in Action (circa 1967)

It has been said that, throughout his life, Ironman has been loved more than JFK and hated more than Hitler. In 1973, Ironman had his first major disappointment during his seemingly Fairy-Tale like career. The World Ironing Competition had instituted a new policy on drug testing, and Ironman tested positive for sniffing glue. His medal was taken away and he was not to compete in the World Ironing Competition for 8 years. People all around the world were outraged. They had cheered for Ironman all the way, only to discover that he had been using performance enhancing glue. Ironman received death threats and had to move to an unknown location in fear of his safety.

A month after the scandal, it was reported that there was a possibility that the results were false, because the sample had not been handled properly. In embarrassment, The World Ironing Competition Federation publicly pleaded for Ironman to came out of hiding. They said that although they could not give him the award at this point, they would make him the official winner of the competition without doing further testing. Ironman liked the deal and became the winner of the competition. The person who had won first place was disgusted that he had won by an error, and jumped off Hoover Dam. Two years after his disappearance in 1978, Ironman was recognized by the American Ironing Association as the best ironer of all time. He was given a plaque on the American Ironing Hall of Fame. People around the world would not forget about Ironman for years to come.

Death[edit]

Little is known about Ironman's death. He was last seen in 1978 at a hospital where he was being treated for health problems that he did not have. It was thought that he would not live more than 5 years at the most. It was discovered that he had left his hospital room, and he has been missing since. His body has never been found, which led to conspiracy theories and mystery in the early 80s. Some believed that the government had kidnapped him to do the ironing work for the President's Wife. Others believed he was involved in a large 1979 explosion at sea which left no survivors. Some believe that he is still alive today. In support of this theory, there have been countless Ironman sightings around the globe. Many people report having seen him, iron in hand, as if looking for something to press. While it is scientifically possible that Ironman outlived his health problems for this long, it is not likely. It is also unlikely that he would be out of communication from people for over 25 years. Till now, police officers and army officials from all around the world have checked every corner of the globe, except Ironman's house.

Osbourne's Theories[edit]

In a his revolutionary series of novels Ozzy Osbourne raised the question: "Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind?" alluding to Ironman's propensity for ocular degeneration and a genetic predisposition for dementia.

Perhaps because of his glue related experiments, Osbourne also believes that Ironman may have attempted to challenge the laws of physics in a time-travel experiment, unfortunately, the experiment went awry, and left Ironman with a bizarre physical condition: "He was turned to steel, in a great magnetic field, when he travled time, for the future of mankind."

Osbourne also speculates that Ironman may not be happy about his treatment in the press, or his public image: "Nobody wants him, he just stares at the world, planning his vengeance, that he will soon unfurl!" He is known to wear "heavy boots of lead" presumably to protect him from the radiation from the 'great magnetic field'. Instead he may have been afflicted with lead poisoning and poor posture.

The Triathalon[edit]

The Ironing Hall of Fame has now honored Ironman with a memorial event. The Ironman Triathalon was established soon after Ironman's induction into the hall of fame. The Triathalon is held annually in Wannatappanooki, Hawaii. The three events are Starching, Ironing, and folding. Competitors are asked to starch, iron, and fold as many men's dress shirts as possible in one hour. The contest is sponsored by Timex watch company, which has also named a popular line of cheap crappy watches in Ironman's honor.fock