Ivan Drago

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“In Soviet Russia, IVAN DRAGO PUNCHED YOU!!

~ Russian Reversal on Ivan Drago

“This could be the most one-sided fight since Ali fought a 10,000 foot robot. My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the universe was destroyed.”

~ George Foreman on Rocky versus Drago

“Now witness the true power of the dark-side!”

~ CCCP President Palpatine on Ivan Drago
Stalin II was a great physical improvement on the original. That one lacked hair gel

Darth Stalin was created in the early sixties (date remains unconfirmed) when Joseph Stalin had himself cloned on the planet Kamino. The resulting clone was named Ivan Drago (Russian: Иван Драго Yorkshire: Joe Whit) so as to avoid confusion between him and Stalin. Drago was an amazing specimen and had been prescribed a course of steroids to dramatically increase his power levels.


Dark Side[edit]

Drago was a great divergence from the original Stalin. He had the moustache gene removed and also had Dark Side genes implanted within him. This was wishful thinking as Stalin often lamented his inability to shoot lightning out of his hands. Darth Sidious approached Drago after his failure to kill James Brown with an offer to make him more powerful than he could possibly imagine. Drago declined and instead prepared for his upcoming fight with Jedi Knight Rocky Balboa.

Ivan Drago being being made comatose by Rocky Balboa.

Showdown in Moscow[edit]

The fight between Rocky and Drago was brutal and fairly one sided, Balboa being an incredibly adept Jedi and Drago being a mere heavyweight boxer. Balboa drew the fight out over ten rounds simply to raise the Russian's hope and then dash them, quite expertly. Balboa had won the crowd, but was zapped by lasers coming from Drago's eyes.

Darth Stalin[edit]

Stalin quickly threw Drago out of the country and returned to being the best damned leader ever. Drago wandered the earth in a confused state for thirteen years before being found by Darth Sidious. This time Drago agreed to enter his tutelage and after a gruelling five year training course he was ready to become a Sith Lord. His final test would involve claiming his name. Sidious finding “Darth Drago’’ to have to much alliteration sent Drago to kill Stalin and embrace the dark side. Drago did so quite willingly and became “Darth Stalin”.

Naboo[edit]

Nearly as soon as his training was complete he set out to find Rocky. Unable to find Balboa he orchestrated a horrible plot involving trade laws and Battle Droids to trap Balboa’s master Qui-Gon Jinn. The plan was huge success as Stalin was able to destroy Jinn and only suffered mild unconsciousness in the process. Thinking him dead Jinn’s then apprentice Obi Wan Kenobi ran off and claimed responsibility for the death of Darth Stalin. This allowed Stalin to move undetected throughout the galaxy reeking havoc from the shadows.

Darth Stalin's Acts of Terror[edit]

Since the fight on Naboo Darth Stalin has been responsible for the following horrendous acts that serve no purpose but to further lock mankind into the stocks of doom:

FAADS[edit]

Forces Allied Against Darth Stalin (or FAADS) is a anti-terrorist group with the sole purposes of Rocking out and stopping Darth Stalin. Formed shortly after the death of Qui-Gon Jinn it is headed by Shaft and Rocky Balboa. The group has yet to locate Stalin let alone defeat him, put they don' stop trying. Notable Members include:

See Also[edit]