Jack Cain's The Count of Monte Cristo

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Jack Cain's The Count of Monte Cristo......in five minutes.

WARNING: Do not read this if you are not familiar with the original story, which is very good. Reading this will spoil the entire plot and ruin the book/movie/etc version of "The Count of Monte Cristo" you may see in the future.

Part 1[edit]


Ferdnand: asshole.... *twitch* HEY! *points at edmond* THIS GUY IS A SPY FOR NAPOLEON!

Edmond: *is arrested* wtf, bitch? o_o;;

Mercedes(edmond's pussy, not a car): T_T nooo........

Ferdnand: *tackles mercedes* Y HALO THAR! BUTTSECKS?

Edmond: *In prision* fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck T_T.........

Old man: *grins at edmond*

Edmond: NO BUTTSECKS! *screams*

Old Man: No, here, im going to teach you how to read, write, do math, fence and a lot of other cool shit.

Edmond: o_o ......better you than the warden

Warden: *grins and cracks a whip* YOU ARE ALL MY BITCHES!

15 years or so have passed since edmond was imprisoned[edit]

Old Man: Im dying, take this map.

Edmond: wtf......?

Old Man: Theres a fortune in gold.

Edmond: W00T!

Edmond: *escapes, gets adopted by pirates*

Edmond: *finds the gold* o_o w00t!

Edmond: Im the count of monte cristo now, AND YOU ARE ALL MY BITCHES!

Ferdnand: tra la la! *runs around with whores, duels people for there money like the one guy from dominic deegan and gambles*

Mercedes: T_T why did i marry this prick......?

Albert: HI MOM! *has black hair like edmond, while ferdnand has blonde hair*

Mercedes: .......oh right.......

Count: *saves alberts life*

Albert: o_o will you be my friend?

Albert: Its my birthday, come to my house!

Count: *shows up at albert's house*

Ferdnand: yeah, thats nice. *ignores everyone*

Mercedes: o_o edmond *glomp* FUCK MEEEE!!!

Count: revenge first, buttsecks later.

Count: *strips ferdnand of all his money*

Ferdnand: FUCK >_<

Albert: Dont kill my dad. please T_T

Mercedes: Oh, no, albert, the count is actuly your father.

Edmond, Ferdnand and Albert: wtf, bitch? o_o

Ferdnand: *twitch* ASSHOLE! *attacks edmond*

Edmond: *stabs*

Ferdnand: YARGH! *dies*

And then everyone lived happily ever after! ^_^