Jam band

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Apparently science has proven being in a Jam Band is "Safe"
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Jam band.

A Jam band is a band (like Phish or Greatful Dead) that's fanbase is built completely of stoners and hippies. They play songs with some improvisation in them so that their jobless obsessed fans can enjoy a slightly different concert every night as they follow the band's tour in a faded old VW bus.


Jam bands are a both a genre and a very viable excuse to do acid. It all starts out when a group of angry forty-something men who both remember the seventies and also remember how much they sucked at life during the seventies get together with their dead parent's instruments and decide to ' rock out'. the whole 'effort' thing gets old fast, as it turns out, pot is much easier to do than memorize music, so, the whole memorizing thing kind of went to hell after 15 minutes. As it [also] turns out, it doesn't really matter that much if the music is just rambling shit static coming out of instruments when you've just spent the last two hours in a room with seven other idiots and more LSD than st. patrics day at jimmi henrix's house. so, they decided not to remember anything. and thus, jam bands were birthed by the disgruntled youth of the seventies.

So you want to make your own Jam band[edit]

So, you've had a few drinks, huffed a few kittens , snuffed a few *insert drug slang word*s, hey, and you never noticed that your dad had a guitar before... hey, why not join the infinite sad uselessness that is jam bandom? Well, you'll need a few things to get started...

  • Some instruments: They should be broken or poorly tuned, all the cooler.
  • A fat guy with long hair: He is an asset. He doesn't even have to play an instrument. Stoner audiences eat up fat guys with long hair. longer the better.
  • Musical talent: This is optional.
  • A thousand slang words for the same kind of drug: Call it shit, call it smack, call it bunt cake for all I care, just be sure it's in every verse of your songs.
  • An angry guy who thinks that he can sing but really can't: another asset of the jam community. Try naming him 'Blade', 'Flash' or 'Zak Starstosky.'
  • People's hot , stoned moms.- always a plus.

So now you've gathered up all you need to make your jam band. I'll see you in about thirty seconds after you've fallen down the stairs.

Symptoms of Listening to/Forming a Jam Bands[edit]

The symptoms of listening to and/or forming jam bands are very acurate and can possibly kill you. They include:

  • Taking too much LSD
  • Wanting to save the rain forest by hugging/humping it real hard (if you like Boner Bono and/or Dora the Explorer)
  • Taking all of your clothes off in public wanting to have sex. Sure hope that you're balls don't shrink.
  • No talent at all
  • Loving things that's all cute
  • Loving things that's al gay
  • Loving things that's all cute and gay
  • Being afraid of ausome music and scary movies. See Heavy Metal for that
  • IQ Points decreasing which turns you and your articles on Uncyclopedia stubs
  • Fucking a tree
  • Watching Woodstock over and over again all the time

These symptom's may not exist according to "talented" Jam musicians, but those are lies, since they get them a lot.