James Bracey

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OMG!!! I luv you James!!!!!.

James Bracey (born 17 September 1984, in Gosford, New South Wales) is the Australian Sky News's Sports Reporter. His parents had hoped for a Christmas Day birth so that they would only have to buy one set of presents per year. Instead, James was born 3 months premature, which explains his perpetual boyish charm and charisma.


James' childhood on New South Wales' Central Coast was fraught with danger and temptation. His parents were itinerant hippies who ran out of money in the great banana crash of 1990. They set up house in the back of an old bedford van and it was these years that James would later describe as "get out of my house you creep!". I then left his house immediately. The police stopped me three streets away and issued me with an Aprehended Violence Order. "Bollocks to them!", I exclaimed, and continued with the article.

A crippling phobia of gardening led to his love of all sports. He was so damn horrible that he started writing about it. His writing was initially also horrible, but because he is so good looking, no one wanted to say anything. His skill as a journalist came about when he started to attend the University of Newcastle, where his lecturer-come-mentor taught him the ancient skill of applying one's good looks to writing ability. Once complete, his skills as a journalist were on par with Craig Norenbergs, the greatest sports writer ever... in the history of the UNIVERSE!

Example of James' early work:

And in late news, the worlds' women have voted me most spectacular dude ever.
Back to the studio.

His heroes include the likes of Billy Moore and Greg Florimo (two North Sydney greats), Matthew Burke, Betty Cuthbert, Ian Thorpe, Pat Rafter and Shane Warne are sportsmen James has admired over the years. It was Ian Thorpe's performance in the 2000 Olympic Games in Sydney that James found a true hero and kindred spirit. James aspires to look as good as Ian does in his speedos. They remain the best of friends and often compare penis sizes to see who is bigger. Unfortunately James is only 3" when erect. He also unfortunately has only one testicle wich he carrys around in a leather pouch on a string around his neck . The main reason he never played football himself.

James was not Bachelor of the year, Ryan Phelan was.

Television Career[edit]

While studying at the University of Newcastle, James used his style and charisma to score a job at Australia's number one subsciption news channel Sky News Australia in 2004. His race to the top was helped in part to his shocking good looks and a strong resemblance to Sesame Street's Guy Smiley.

James' stellar journalistic skill, coupled with his afforementioned good looks, meant a swift rise from the ranks of lowly casual staffer to on-air presenter in 2005. It was from here on that Sky had to hire more front-of-house security to hold back the hoards of woman (and men alike) who turned up every day in the hope of catching a glimpse of their hero. Although the crowds are not as they were at their peak, it remains a point of contention amongst other staffers who find it hard to get into the building.

Plans are currently in the pipeline for James to take over as head of Sky News Australia. His only potential pitfall is the pure strength of will (personified) that is Craig Norenbergs. Craig has always been jealous of James' inappropriate friendship with Ian Thorpe and has on occasion sought to remove James from popular opinion like some kind of ultra jealous Othelloesque machiavillian super villain/madman. James denies the allegations, outright.

Sky News Anchor Jacinta Tynan is believed to have decided not to complete her book "Good man hunting" because she met James and decided to change the title to "I Masturbate Under The News Desk-But Don't Call Me A Wanker".

External link[edit]

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