James Cameron

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James Cameron, seen here clutching his Best Director Oscar whilst taunting the nominees.

James Cameron (born Who Gives A Shit) is a dumbass film producer, director and screenwriter who is also known as the ruler of the evil organization Cobra and for founding the Nazi party and ruling Germany from 1933 until 1945. His plan in life, after getting bored with ruling Nazi Germany, was to be a terrorist and a filmmaker who would make good movies (Like Terminator for example) then make horrible films that he knew would dominate the box-office, the horrible catastrophes Titanic (1990-fucking7) and Avafuck (2000-fucking9) which is now, undeservingly the highest grossing film in history.

Early life, founding of the Nazi Party and Cobra and Film Career[edit]

Cameron as the ruler of Germany.

Cameron was born on April 20, 1889 in Braunau am Inn, Austria–Hungary. The motherfucker wanted to be a painter. Did you know he was in prison? How you love your damn precious film director now? While behind bars he wrote the book Mein Kampf about his struggles. The goddamn book was published in 1925. He founded the Nazi Party. To make things short, he began ruling Germany under the assumed alias Adolf Hitler in 1933. He invaded Poland in 1939 and is responsible for World War II. The evil man even killed three million jews in an attempt to wipe them off the face of the planet with the Holocaust. “Hitler” became bored with ruling a country and “committed suicide” in his bunker in 1945. He hopped on a plane and left the country. He hoped to start fresh by opening the evil terrorist organization Cobra, going by the gayass name of Cobra Commander.

Cameron sending flyers encouraging people to join his organization.

By this point, Cameron was nearly in his sixties, so he consumed a huge-ass portion of magic potion provided to him by the Grim Reaper in order to live forever. By 1950, “Cobra Commander” officially incorporated his terrorist organization. Cameron currently runs the organization and divides his time between the organization and making shitty movies. “Cobra Commander” would become friends with Osama bin Laden and the two helped organize the September 11 attacks. Cameron was found innocent because he bribed the judge with a million dollars made from the money he (didn’t) earn for Titanic.

Cameron had a short career as a singer recording the horrible song “We Built This City” in 1985.

Cameron decided that he wanted to be a filmmaker. His evil plan was to make good films, and then “MHWAH HA HA HA HA!” make terrible films that would be box-office successes. During his career, he also created, produced and hosted the educational PBS series Mister Cameron’s Neighborhood which ran from 1968 until 2001 becoming one of the longest running shows on the network after Sesame Street and Masterpiece.

After working on several films, Cameron helmed 1984’s Terminator . A critical and commercial success, Cameron also helmed its 1991 sequel but after that, he got bored with the films. Now his evil plan to make horrible films that were successful was to begin. He wrote and directed Titanic in 1997. The film beat Jurassic Park as the most successful film in box-office history. Cameron, undeservingly, won 11 Academy Awards including Best Picture. He also wrote and directed Avatar for 2009 which would beat Titanic as the highest grossing film ever. Avatar also undeservingly won Oscars and was nominated for Best Picture.


As Director:

  • Piranha II: The Spawning (1981)
  • The Terminator (1984)
  • Aliens (1986)
  • The Abyss (1989)
  • Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
  • True Lies (1994)
  • Titanic (1997)
  • Avatar (2009)

As Executive Producer:

  • Point Break (1991)
  • Dark Angel (2000–02)
  • Exodus Decoded (2006)
  • The Lost Tomb of Jesus (2007)
  • Sanctum (2011)


Cameron made a cameo appearance in Brokeback Mountain working as Heath Ledger’s sex double for the scenes that involved Ledger and Gyllenhaal having gay sex.

Cameron has acted on the stage in numerous productions which no one cares about.

Personal life[edit]

Cameron came out-of-the-closet in 2009 shortly before the release of you know what and admitting that his gay partner was Peter Griffin.

Cameron has a new hate: Asians.

He attempted to murder Steven Spielberg in 2006, but Spielberg retaliated by slashing off Cameron’s hand with an axe. He was hospitalized and his hand was replaced with a new one.

Cameron gets a kick out of farting in ugly women’s mouths.

He beat the Guinness World Record for making the most successful shitty films of all-time.

See Also[edit]

Filmmakers of the World
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Peter Bogdanovich | Robert Bresson | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Francis Ford Coppola | Cecil B. De Mille | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | John Ford | D.W. Griffith | Alfred Hitchcock | Abbas Kiarostami | Sergio Leone | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | James Cameron | Akira Kurosawa

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Uwe Boll | Tim Burton | Ken Burns | John Carpenter | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Mel Gibson | Tom Green | Catherine Hardwicke | Spike Lee | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Michael Moore | Leonard Nimoy | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Joel Schumacher | M. Night Shyamalan | Alan Smithee | Oliver Stone | Billy Bob Thornton | Tommy Wiseau | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie | Nicholas Webster | Roger Corman | Ang Lee

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Sofia Coppola | Jean-Luc Godard | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Jerry Lewis | David Lynch | Rob Schneider | Lars von Trier

Highly Confusing in Japan

Milos Forman | Terry Gilliam | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Quentin Tarantino

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro | Jared Hess

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

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