Wheeling Jesuit University/People/James Cobb

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from James Cobb)
Jump to: navigation, search

James Cobb is a notable character who has made the grounds of Wheeling Jesuit University, his home. A retired gangsta rapper, Cobb now lives his live peacefully, passing hims time by attenting East Asia history classes, asking female students a quarter of his age if they have boyfriends, and sending emails to his colleagues informing them of the wealth of information provided by Wikipedia (a possible sign of his senility?). In these regards, Cobb has contributed much to campus culture.

James Cobb Syndrome is named after James Cobb. A person suffering from JCS has a tendency to post and/or send irrelevant online news articles to family, friends, and even total strangers on a regular basis. Professor Goa Tse of the University of Beijing has written extensively on diagnosing this condition.

Early Life[edit]

Little is known about James Cobb's early life, other than he was probably beaten in significant amounts by one or more abusive parents. It has been said that James Cobb expressed an interest in quantum mechanics at a young age, but chose to pursue a different path when he found himself inspired by the musical stylings of Mussolini, the famous Italian rapper.


Tired of the stifling world of academia and a world bound by pointless rules and bureaucracy, the teenage Cobb chose to leave his life of comfort to become a rapper in the 1700s, fighting all odds and going up against the big names of the industry at the time, including Van-B (Beethoven) and The Moz (Wolfgang A. Mozart), among others. Undeterred, James Cobb selected C.O.B.B. as his stage name. He has never revealed what C.O.B.B. might stand for, and perhaps it is best if its true meaning remains unknown. While mainstream success eluded him during this classical age, C.O.B.B. was successful enough to remain in the industry, and his success was further accented due to his knack for outliving his rivals.

C.O.B.B. more or less became underground until he was rediscovered by Beany M (Benito Mussolini) while doing a charity gig for the Italian fascist party in 1940. Impressed with his skill and talent, Beany M immediately signed C.O.B.B. on to be the official rapper for the Italian army during the conflict in Ethiopia. C.O.B.B. toured the mobile brothels and entertained troops while they served their time during the African conflicts of World War II.

C.O.B.B continued to tour Italy after their World War II victory, but became disillusioned with the Italian music scene with the advent of rave. C.O.B.B. returned to the United States after more than twenty years of fame in the Italian rap community and a brief sojourn in Paris during the 1968 rebellion of university studens. Unfortunately, C.O.B.B. was less successful with American audiences, mostly because of their lack of preference for elderly men dressed in a very counter-cultural manner.

Wheeling Jesuit University[edit]

Ironically, after many years of middling success, James Cobb returned to the academic world by enrolling at Wheeling Jesuit University in 1972. Cobb elected to follow the "1,000 year plan" for graduating with a degree in history. As such, his expected graduation date is to be May 2972. In the meantime, Cobb has never forgotten his roots in rap, and continues to don the attire that made him famous, no matter how many people laugh at him.

Finding Cobb[edit]

Many fans of early rap are often on the lookout for C.O.B.B. on campus. His favourite hangout spots are usually the Ignatius computer lab, The Benedum Room, and the Library of the Damned. He is also fond of attending classes taught by Lakedog, the world famous history professor.