James Packer

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

James Packer is suspected to be Australia's greatest Media Terrorist, behind Naomi Robson, but nobody can prove it or we'd all get sued.

Born yesterday, he ran a company consisting of his fathers' fired monkies throwing old mobile phones at each other, and called it One.Tel. He then set to price himself out of the market, as he confused the games of golf with business. Consiquently, he has the record for the highest number of strokes on any golf course, 293,243,342,352,326,685,375,247,452 and counting.

He then met Tom Cruise, converted the company as a cover for Seinfeldology, and began electrocting his monkies with probes so they could have hair like Kramer, then like George. He begged his father to put Battlefield Earth on TV, but dad said "only when you stop fighting aliens", referring of course to his favourite Gameboy game, Asteroids.

He divorced his first wife after he decided she wasn't thin enough and set about trying to find the world's most annorexic Seinfeoldologist, but not in an annorexic way that would get media attention. The blind date with Kirstie Alley didn't work out.

One day when Cruise was in Australia, they went to Dad's casino and James found out the fun games they had. James then became very interested in buying casinos so he could take back the businesses that he morgaged on the gaming tables.

Because dad wouldn't let him play with the TV channel, James didn't like it much and sold half of it to some americans who told him he'd be in control without a controlling interest. James thought this was a very good idea, and sunk all the money into Emu farming. Despite the cross promotion of A Current Affair, James is still working hard (between games of Asteroids) on securing his first ever sale.