James Robertson

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about James Robertson.

James "Cream Puff" Robertson is a used car salesman and man about town in Flagstaff, Arizona. He gained some notoriety in 1974 when, after an incident with Spiro Agnew and local pig farmer Timothy Horatio Caddey, he gained the nickname 'cream puff' and was permanently banned from the Coconino County Petting Zoo.

He soon became a recluse with wife Pam Gilbert, a local starlet who starred is a spate of Navajo porn movies including "Firewater Fuckers '82". However, in 1984 he shocked people and small animals alike when he announced his candiacy for the 3rd congressional district of Arizona against Democrat turncoat Bob Stump. Although Mo Udall initially announced his support for Robertson, it was quickly withdrawn after the "UDL Incident" that July. Robertson narrowly lost the election capturing only 0.4% of the vote.

KWDL soon recognized Robertson's potential, and in 1988 offered him a position as host of the morning radio show "Good Morning Yavapai". Incredibly, after 3 months the station went bankrupt due to most of their equipment being mysteriously ruined by seminal fluid. The station attempted to sue Robertson in late 1988 but the Arizona Supreme Court upheld the case of the defence that an incarceration for such a crime would be in violation of the "cruel and unusual punishment" clause, and possibly the fifth amendment, in light of Robertson's condition.

Robertson came under fire again when the Chicago Tribune and The Nation simultaneously exposed a conjugal affair he was having with imprisoned Lt. Colonel Oliver North in 1989. Some say the incident was unduly influential on Justice Gesell's overturning of North's conviction two years later.

In 1998 noted author Peter Rajic released "Of Mice and Men", a biography of Robertsons life. The book was wildly inaccurate and was mostly a vainglorious rant on the Serbian Orthodox church. The book was breifly the Oprah Club "Book of the Month" before 60 Minutes embarassingly revealed that the 23 page novella was actually in breach of copyright law with a John Steinbeck novel.

Robertson now lives with his new wife/husband Patrick "Bandaid" Moody in the south of Phoenix, but is reputedly visited by local floosey James Higgens on a regular basis.