James Wan

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Filmmakers of the World
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Peter Bogdanovich | Robert Bresson | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Francis Ford Coppola | Cecil B. De Mille | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | John Ford | D.W. Griffith | Alfred Hitchcock | Abbas Kiarostami | Sergio Leone | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | James Cameron | Akira Kurosawa

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Uwe Boll | Tim Burton | Ken Burns | John Carpenter | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Mel Gibson | Tom Green | Catherine Hardwicke | Spike Lee | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Michael Moore | Leonard Nimoy | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Joel Schumacher | M. Night Shyamalan | Alan Smithee | Oliver Stone | Billy Bob Thornton | Tommy Wiseau | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie | Nicholas Webster | Roger Corman | Ang Lee

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Sofia Coppola | Jean-Luc Godard | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Jerry Lewis | David Lynch | Rob Schneider | Lars von Trier

Highly Confusing in Japan

Milos Forman | Terry Gilliam | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Quentin Tarantino

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro | Jared Hess

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

view  discuss  edit

“He can master my puppet anyday.”

~ Oscar Wilde on James Wan

James Wan is a man who manages three careers: a Master of Puppets, Director, and a leader of his own puppet army. All of his movies have to have puppets in them. He has admitted that his one of his puppets will take over his army when he dies.

James Wan and his Army Of Puppets

History on his life and puppet fetish[edit]

James Wan wasn't really born, you see his mother is a puppet. We do not know who his real mother is. A huge puppet was found one day and Oscar Wilde had found the baby inside the puppet. He then took James home and fed him and raised him, where he would get his dose of 1000 horror movies a day. One day he had watched the film Poltergiest and had developed a puppet fetish.

James had gone to school with Mary Shaw, his girlfriend all the way through his school life. He went on a date with her every weekend, and it was kind of hard to make out with her, because she had her tongue ripped out at the seam. So when out on one date, he bought her a metal tongue, and he had described the first experience as "a metal-cold time of my life". One weekend he had found out that she was a ventriloquist and that she herself was a puppet, and she would rip out their tongue. Later that night, he went home and found a note in one of his puppets and that said:

"Beware the stare of Mary Shaw. She Had no children, only dolls, and if you see her in your dream, be sure you never, ever scream or she'll rip out your tongue at the seam!"

James had no clue, so he went to bed that night and saw her in his dream. He screamed. Guess what? He got his tongue ripped out.

James had spent all the way through the rest of his life with a metal tongue. When he had graduated from high school, he got a bunch of puppets. Then began his Filmmaking career.

Filmmaking Career[edit]

James had graduated from filmmaking college, where he met his fellow friend Leigh Whannel. Leigh Whannel is an actor who had tatoos all over his neck. He removed the tatoos and got started on filmmaking.

Films by James Wan[edit]

  • Saw
  • Saw 2
  • Saw 3
  • Saw 4: Even More Saws
  • Saw 5: Electric Bogaloo
  • Saw 6: Dude Where's My Saw?
  • Dead Silence
  • Death Sentence
  • Death Solance
  • Dead Silence 2: Billy's Back
  • Dead Silence 3
  • Dead Silence 4: Not Very Silent Anymore
  • Saw 7: Jigsaw Exposes his Dick and Gets Down and Dirty in Your Mom
  • Saw 8: Jigsaw is 100000 Years old
  • Saw 9: One More Movie With the Word "Saw" in the Title and I'll Fucking Kill You!!

Did you know that...[edit]

  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is also a puppet?
  • James is really not a human, and is made of wood?
  • James's red hair comes from the fact that he's a fucking puppet?
  • Everyone else around James is dead as well?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James is dead?
  • James has slept with your mom?

See Also[edit]