James and the Giant Peach

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James and the Giant Peach (Renamed from James and His Giant Peach)[edit]

"Oh god, your peach is so BIG!" - The First Line of the Movie entitled, "James and the Giant Peach."

Some people think, from this line, that the movie starts out as a lame, kinky, gay, clay-mation movie involving James and his ho's Giant Peach.

They're mostly right, though the character James doesn't actually exist in the movie. His name is mentioned first in the credits as Whoopi Goldberg, for obvious reasons.


On the DVD, and for the posters, the movie's Tagline was changed to: "Adventures this big don't grow on trees," though the original Tagline was: "Peaches this big don't grow in pants," which had no relation to the movie whatsoever.


The storyline of the movie revolves around Wallace and Gromit, the popular British claymation series, had a little known spinnoff called "Masterclaysion", which dealt with the horrors of beastiality, and them finding a Giant Peach. The history is told by the Giant Peach itself. (It spawns a hole out of no where. Some believe that during one of the cuts Wallace and Gromit decided to have a bit of fun, and the director simply had to play along with it.)

The giant peach tells of how he was supposed to be Hitler's dinner, since we all know Hitler was a Vegeteran, and was sent to Hitler by one of his Jewish slaves. On the way to the dining room, the slave was mistaken for someone to be gassed. Inside the gas chamber, the soul of the Jewish slave drifted into the Peach, along with a few tons of the toxic gases, and made it become large.

Special Features[edit]

Some of the Special Features on the DVD include:

  • How to make Sex Organs out of clay.
  • Why people laugh at you.
  • Get a completely unpixelated girlfriend: A How-to.
  • The long and complicated process of teaching yourself how to turn off the TV.

The Sequal John and the Giant Onion[edit]

The Sequel has nothing to do With James and the Giant Peach is about some fat guy and some Grasshoper eating Giant onions