January 3: Feast of St. Wallet (Episcopal Church), International Throw Tomatoes at Old People Day
Twins separated at birth?
- 1 AD - Dawn of the Thrid Day (24 hours remain.)
- 3 - First payday after Christmas. The family breadwinner may heave the ritual sigh of relief and start saving for next Christmas.
- 1922 - Ottoman Empire decides to get out of the land business and focus on relief for calves.
- 1923 - Record of the number of tomatoes thrown at old people on International Throw Tomatoes at Old People Day is broken when someone throws 3,489 tomatoes on old people on that day.
- 1947 - Saddam Hussein and Mel Gibson are born.
- 1948 - Mel Gibson is deported to Australia for abusing a meat grinder.
- 1974 - The Keebler Elves go on strike claiming the working conditions of the tree are " Uncommonly Horrid" and demand a union. Ernie Keebler hires several Smurfs to scab in their place.
- 1992 - Nirvana releases "Come As You Are" as a single. Pathetic guitar players every where rejoice at being able to have a song they can strum while playing Dungeons & Dragons.
- 2004 - CBS declares victory in the ratings war after crushing "that gay peacock network".
- 2006 - a certain website releases "cum as you are" for download. Pathetic Dungeons & Dragons players everywhere rejoice at being able to have a video they can fap to while playing.