Jay-Z (band)

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Jay-Z (left) out for a night in town with his BFF, Kanye West (right) in 2005.

“That guy's got some monkey lips on his face”

~ Oscar Wilde on Jay-Z's monkey lips

“Yo Martin Luther King, I'm really happy for you, and I'ma let you finish, but Jigga is the greatest black man of all time! OF ALL TIME!!”

~ Kanye West on Jay-Z

“They're not just very good friends, they're best friends.”

~ Captain Obvious on Jay-Z and Kanye West's relationship

Buttface Fartbag Stupidhead (born March 4, 1955), commonly referred to as Jay-Z, Jigga, Hov, Hova, The Lesser Biggie Smalls or Jayhova is a politically charged liberal rapper, and outspoken gun critic. He has sold over 1 billion albums worldwide, and is consistently ranked one of the greatest politicians/rappers of all time. He was ranked so by MTV as number one on their list of 50,000 Greatest Politicians/Rappers Who Are Known For Their Massive Lips and Ego.

Jay-Z rose to fame in 1980 with his debut album, My Views on American Politics in September 1980,. which is believed to have pioneered the genres of rap and hip hop, as well as gun worship. Despite the album having truly honest and sincere lyricism, Zizzle soon grew a massive ego and became one of the most outspoken politicians of all time. When questioned about his beliefs and religion, Zizzle published a 730-page novel called My Views on Beliefs and Religion which he wrote in just several hours. Zizzle has since expanded his political reign by releasing his own clothing line, the My Views on Clothing line.

Zizzle is also very well known for his relationship with Kanye West, his best friend forever and self-proclaimed 'voice of a motherfuckin' generation'. Zizzle and West have ollaborated on several occasions, most notably their full-length collaboration album called Our Views on the Throne. Him and Beyonce were married on October 16, 1982. On January 7, 1986 Zizzle's wife Beyoncé Knowles gave birth to their daughter, Shitbag Cockface Knowles. Their daughter's name being "Shitbag" was revenge and a comeback after Jay-Z had faced the fate of being named "Buttface Fartbag Stupidhead".

History[edit]

Early life and Beginning of Career[edit]

See also: Kanye West

Years active: 1973 - 2013 (retired)

Buttface Fartbag STupidhead was the birth name of Jay-Z until he had it legally changed to Shaun Jay-Z Carter in 1969, at age 14. Angered that he was named "Butfface Stupidhead", he shot his parents at a United States history museum in Central Park, Colorado, on March 26, 1969. A very similar thing happened between Kanye West and his parents in 1972, and for the same exact reason. Shaun now goes by his middle name, Jay-Z.

His madness didn't stop there.

In November 1992, Jay-Z was diagnosed with an early-stage cancer in the liver. His doctor wrote down his birth name, and deadly ingredients the doctor said were "prescriptions". After hearing this, Jay-Z punched his doctor in the face so hard he ended up having to go to the ER from a bloody nose.

Jay-z got his liver cancer treated in December 1992, and has been completely healty and cancer-free ever since.

He is known for being one member of the hip hop duo Yin Yang Twins, formed in 1975.

He started out as a nice, family-orientated young man who tried to make a living by making music. He soon managed to complete his first album, My Views on American Politics in 1980, which was released to critical praise and worship. The album managed to sell well, and eventually cemented Zizzle as one of the world's premiere rappers. But Zizzle's lifestyle and personality changed almost immediately. He grew an ego almost as massive as his lips, and decided that rapping wasn't political enough for him, so he became an outspoken politician as well. It is disingenuous, however, to say that he became a hit because of talent only; the average rap-lover would admit after some careful nudging that his album was "kinda boring", "a bit hamfisted", and "full of latent homosexuality". It's more accurate to say that consumers liked him because famous people they liked just so happened to like him. This is known as Temporary Retardation.

However, Zizzle didn't stop there. He released his second album, My Views on Being a Politician and a Rapper at the Same Time, a year later, which was just as well received and worshiped. It was mainly lauded for its vivid imagery and depictions of blowing a gun in someone's face while laughing. After the album was lauded as a artistic success among closeted homosexuals of the day - including Ted Haggard, who famously quipped, "[my] love for this album is in direct proportion to my heterosexuality" - It would take one more album, and one more song, to become a critical success among the American populace.

Almighty Reign as a Politician/Rapper[edit]

Zizzle continued to grow as a symbol of the American people. However, it wasn't until his third album, My Views on My Hard Cock Life, that he attained international respect and worship. The album was most famous for its title track, which vividly, yet artistically depicted the human male's erection over a surgically enhanced version of Michael Jackson's hit song I'm So Gay. The song spent countless nights and days on the charts, eventually becoming the most successful song ever.

Meanwhile, Zizzle had already begun work on an album the world would truly thank and worship him for. He released two more albums, My Views on My Fat Monkey Lips (which was a was a complete re-release of his second album but with a different title, track names and artwork for sales purposes), as well as a four-disc greatest hits album, My Views on the Dynasty I Have Created Over the Last Few Years, which was all four of his previous albums in one case. However, his fifth album, My Views on Blueprints, was a true classic. It cemented his reign, and allowed Zizzle to become one of the most feared dictators of all time.

Retirement[edit]

In December 2012, after returning from France, Zizzle thought he could make more money and decided to retire. He is planning to release his last album, titled, My Views on Retirement in July 2013. It went quadruple platinum despite having, like, one good song on it.

At this time, the gun criticism had worn thin, and rumors regarding his sexuality sparked up. Some influential music magazines started to suspect whether he was an ironic postmodernist genius.

He celebrated the 40th anniversary of his discovery on May 18, 2013, i'mplying that he was discovered by America on May 18, 1973. He also released a new song that day called "Discovery Day". What's May 18th? DISCOVERY DAY! What's May 18th? DISCOVERY DAY!

2004 Collaboration with LP[edit]

A few months later, he came back with a huge collaboration with Linkin Park. You know that song, where he starts screaming 'Encore' like he's Joey Wheeler; and Linkin Park spreads their whiny vocals like so much spoiled mayonnaise?
Jay Z proceeded to collaborate with fellow Gay-Fish rapper Kanye West, and baby daddy Beyonce Knowles. He made tons of money, became president of Def Jam records, took over Roc-A-Fella Records by buying all the shares and, thusly become the industry's biggest, real-life, douche. After this occurred, Jay Z had to visit the hospital due to an overabundance of vinegar in his bloodstream. When examined by doctors they discovered his douche-iness had grown to lethal proportions. Jay Z has been warned by medical physicians that if his ego doesn't stop growing, a vinegar extraction process may no longer be suitable enough to save his life anymore.

Experimentation[edit]

Over the course of his career, Jay-Z was praised for his originality. Never content to produce the same product twice, Jay-Z pushed his music in all kinds of directions. For example, on his seventh album My Views On Raptor Jesus, Jay-Z made use of several unique instruments, including didgeridoo, banjo, cotton gin, brush and dustpan, frozen turkey and Microsoft Sam.

In 2007, Jay-Z dared to release a Jewish Folk Rock orientated album which he called Jay-Z: Oi Gefilte Fish !. The album caused much controversy, with songs such as Kosha Niggas Be Burnin' and Dirty Matza Nigga Showa Tymezz resulting in uproar in many Jewish communities. However, many commended Jay-Z on his lyrical style, and were impressed he could adapt so easily to the genre. This release earned Jay-Z a place in the Jewish Hall Of Fame, alongside other legends, including Albert Einstein, Bob Dylan, Woody Allen, and Adolf Hitler.

Discography[edit]

Jay-Z on a moonless night, it looks like he has had a haircut.
  • November 11, 1980: My Views on American Politics
    • Aint no Nigger (7:33) December 6, 1980
    • I.z.z.o H.O.V.A. (9:47) August 21, 1981
    • Wee-wee! (Uh oh!) (4:25) October 5, 1981
    • When Ants Attack (10:49) [featuring The Wackies] November 3, 1981
    • Finders Gonna Find! (5:25) November 1, 1981
    • Say Ho! Say Hooz! (3:24) November 19, 1981
    • Cocks Everywhere (6:04) November 21, 1981
    • Me on Crack (6:15) December 8, 1981
    • It's a Trick! (4:03) December 11, 1981
    • Before You Ask (4:21) January 9, 1982
  • April 21, 1983: My Views on Being a Politician and a Rapper at the Same Time
    • Beyonce 'N' Me (5:34) [featuring Beyonce Knowles) October 18, 1982 (released 9 days after their wedding)
    • Maker of Your Kind (5:24) December 8, 1982
    • Lemme! (7:33) March 9, 1983
    • Replay (4:13) March 1, 1983
    • Polli/MC (8:11) September 20, 1983
    • Tonite's Gon' Suxk (Just Kiddin'!) (4:24) September 26, 1983
    • Boyz in The Hood (9:02) [featuring Beastie Boys] October 19, 1983
    • Yo Dawg, Kat, Maws! (5:22) November 5, 1983
    • Shawty! (How THe Hell Do You Spell THat?) (4:22) November 6, 1983
    • Boo-hoo! (7:24) December 9, 1983
    • Shut Up! (4:14) January 26, 1984
    • Don't Jack My Ass, Jack-ass! (6:16) February 16, 1984
    • GTFO (4:11) November 1, 1984
  • September 30, 1986: My Views on My Hard Cock Life
    • 99.9999 Probziez! (6:47) December 16, 1986
    • Rockz and Stickz (5:03) February 1, 1987
    • I.Am>Not%American% (3:33) October 9, 1987
    • You Must Be Confused (4:07) November 30, 1987'
    • Jigga Is Me,,, (4:11) November 20, 1987
    • Mosie on Home (6:00) December 7, 1987
    • 'Sup, Stupid! (5:24) December 9, 1987
    • Rockin' Dis Chare! (4:23) January 29, 1988
    • Nobody Knows (4:33) March 1, 1988
    • Do I Look Like A Pig To Uou? (4:03) July 29, 1988
    • Double Take Niga (3:45) September 9, 1988
    • Niggers in Niger (3:22) September 9, 1988


  • December 2, 1988: My Views on My Fat Lips
    • $$$ (2:04) January 16, 1989
    • Messin' Wit Muh Brain! (4:42) February 24, 1989
    • Stuupiddo (5:34) April 8, 1989
    • IZZO 2.0 (5:33) June 22, 1989
    • Then Again, Mouy Bien (8:32) [featuring Santana) December 9, 1989
    • Don't Mess WIt Me! (Got a Daughter, Biatch!) (4:34) January 4, 1990
    • Incredible (4:11) January 31, 1990
    • Bill Ya Suck! (4:23) April 6, 1990
    • March Down To Dat Court (5:56) [featuring The Fugees) October 26, 1990
    • Shoot Yo I-Ballz Owt, Figga! (4:15) January 1, 1991
    • Jungel Bunnie (5:35) October 1, 1991
  • January 16, 1996: My Views on Blueprints
    • International Super Spy (4:58) January 21, 1994
    • Me and My Dawg (5:43) October 28, 1994
    • Don't You Dare! (6:00) November 1, 1994
    • Shitfuckerassman (5:35) November 6, 1994
    • Giltyniss (3:24) November 13, 1994
    • Bust That Crack (7:34) November 26, 1994
    • I-Tern (4:44) December 2, 1994
    • Free Dog (4:35) December 12, 1994
    • Fair Game (3:36) January 1, 1995
    • Laughing Dog (4:56) January 4, 1995
  • August 27, 1996: Mine and Kanye's Views on Thronewatching (album released under their short-lived side project, "Mental Issues")
    • Otis (Puttin' Supamodels in Da Cab) [featuring Jay-Z] (3:04) May 25, 1996
    • Velkom To Za Jungle [featuring Jay-Z and Count Dracula] (6:03) July 17, 1996
    • Ballzohop, Put A Fire On Me! [featuring Jay-Z] (5:42) November 14, 1996
    • Yo Stupid! [featuring Jay-Z] (6:26) January 20, 1997
    • Ha Ha! You Have No Brain! [featuring Jay-Z] (4:33) February 7, 1997
    • Party Like It's Your Birthday (4:01) [featuring Jay-Z and T.I.) March 25, 1997
    • The Second Holocaust (11:29) [feat Jay-Z, R. Kelly's sheets, The Specials, Pusha T) July 11, 1997
    • Church in the Wild (9:09) [featuring Jay-Z] September 24, 1997
    • Communist Laff (7:39) [featuring Jay-Z and the Communist Guy] November 25, 1997
    • Warcraft (6:59) [featuring Jay-Z] January 4, 1998
    • AAH! JASON FUCKING VOORHEES IS IN MY HOUSE! (2:37) [featuring Jay-Z] April 6, 1998
  • May 27, 1998: My Views on Raptor Jesus
    • Raptah! (11:12) April 25, 1998 (This single contains 5 parts.)
      • Raptor Neptune [Part 1] (2:00)
      • Raptor B.I.G. [Part 2] (1:44)
      • Raptor Homer Simpson [Part 3] (3:10)
      • Raptor Dogs and Cats [Part 4] (2:00)
      • Raptor Everything! [Part 5] (2:18)
    • Mimi Brown (5:00) September 9, 1998
    • I'm Talented! (3:34) October 22, 1998
    • Me, Paranoid? Nah! (3:01) November 9, 1998
    • Good Days (1:35) November 11, 1998
    • Remember? (2:16) November 18, 1998
    • Good Status (2:44) December 4, 1998
    • Also... (1:56) December 14, 1998
    • Doorstep (2:01) December 17, 1998
    • Morgan Freeman (2:07) December 18, 1998
  • January 8, 2002: My Revised View on Blueprints
    • SpyPen (4:05) February 1, 1999
    • SpyDog (4:05) February 2, 1999
    • SpyCam (4:05) February 3, 1999
    • SpyRap (4:05) February 4, 1999
    • SpyBoy (4:05) February 5, 1999
    • The Blueprint (10:14) October 18, 1999
      • When We Come Your Way [Part 1] (3:55)
      • No Hard Feelings [Part 2] (3:02)
      • Attack The Robots! [Part 3] (3:16)
  • January 26, 2006: My Views on Comebacks
    • Bigga Den Uh Jigga! (3:05) June 18, 2004
    • DogKillah! (5:16) July 12, 2004
    • Before Hand, After Foot (3:00) September 23, 2004
    • 2000; Before Bush (5:56) January 8, 2005
    • Empire State of Mind (4:52) [featuring Alicia Keys) June 20, 2005
    • The Get-Back (9:22) October 14, 2005
    • Pencil Grip (4:28) December 2, 2005
    • No Limits (6:26) March 28, 2006
    • We Sure Love To Drink! (4:25) June 21, 2006
    • Time and Time Again! (3:54) June 28, 2006
    • Study Date (7:03) July 26, 2006
  • June 11, 2007: My Views on Being An American Gangsta Man
    • Truck Talk (5:02) [featuring John Halen, Busted Bunk Band, and Kelsey Web] March 28, 2005
    • Make Ya Go Yay! (4:05) January 14, 2007
    • Say Anything (4:26) November 1, 2007
    • Don't Know, Actuallly. (5:09) December 4, 2007
    • Z-yaJ (5:11) February 18, 2008
    • Miss Ol' Pimp! (6:59) [featuring Bun B and 2 Chainz) March 8, 2008
    • YesMan (6:52) May 19, 2008
    • PLaya! (9:02) October 9, 2008
    • Stupidhead Ain't My Name! (6:44) March 9, 2009
  • August 9, 2009: My Newer, Even More Revised Views on Blueprints
    • Let's Take A Dance! (6:42) March 30, 2009
    • Runner (4:24) September 20, 2009
    • Hot as F**K (2:26) November 29, 2009
    • Jay Day (It's My 55th B-Day, mofos!) (7:08) March 4, 2010
    • DJ Retard (6:25) August 14, 2010
    • Yo Momma Suckz Hardy Ballzie Wallziez! (6:27) December 1, 2010
    • Boy Band (1:45) December 5, 2010
    • Feliz! (4:00) December 23, 2010
    • Once Again, Muy Bien! (3:01) [featuring Santana, again] March 24, 2011


  • July 16, 2013: My Views on Retirement
    • New Boy (4:56) January 23, 2013
    • Me Knows (5:44) March 16, 2013
    • I've Grown Old (3:45) June 1, 2013
    • Ask.com (5:04) June 8, 2013
    • Shark Slayah (4:00) June 15, 2013
    • Hats on (5:00) June 22, 2013
    • See Me (5:06) June 29, 2013
    • Me No' Fag (5:11) July 6, 2013
    • 3 Days Ago (7:57) July 13, 2013
    • Save The Question (3:00) July 14, 2013

Typical Rap Song By Jay-Z[edit]

Excerpt from his song, "Don't Jack My Ass, Jack Ass!" (1984)
Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, I'm Stallin'
Yeah, I'm so uh, hardcore; I'm so, uh, Hood.
My dick's, uh, so, uh, hard, I'll put it, uh, yo hood.
I'll put it up yo ass, uh,; I'm so hardcore my sperm is, uh, lava-fiar, NIGGA!

Excerpt from his song, "I.Am>Not%American%" (1987)
My gun is like my dick, in that it spurts lethal bullets at, uh;
50 billion miles in Ow-a; my brooklyn lisp is like Jack Bauer.
Spurtin' my lethal fire at my friend, uh, Kanye West;
Lick it off, uh, that's right; SPIT IT, uh, BACK ON MY GUN, MY NAYGA

Excerpt from his song, "Bust That Crack" (1995; response to Martin Wolf's article)
God dammit nigga; uh, I'm in an orgy.
One guy's suckin my gun off, while I suck-a, uh, corndoggy, uh;
Take a bite out mah, caramel, gun; watch it spurt out like a fuckin'
Ding doggy, cock bungy, suck mah dick off and (GIBBERISH)
Ride yo dick lika skateboard, nigga!

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