Je (element)

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Elemental Jesus[edit]

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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Je (element).
A molecule of this element


Factata:

  • Atomic Mass: 312
  • Neutrons: 42
  • Protons: 42 less than 312
  • Optimus Primes: 3
  • Vogons: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950
  • Density: 0.5 (walks on water)
  • Configuration: 4 arms: 2 real out-cloak and 2 magic in-cloak
  • Note, Mel Gibson has been known on at least one occasion to produce Hydro Jesusic Acid

Relative Elementality[edit]


Ba
2
He
1
L
2
Be
3
Br
4
C
5
Nu
6
O
7
F
8
Ne
9
Ci
10
Je
-1
Po


Introduction[edit]

Elemental Jesus is the holiest of all the periodic dining table of elements, and also by far the least metallic. It is the primary constituent of all Compound Jesii, and as a result of its highly theistic Atomic Number, possesses a number of intriguing, yet useless properties.

Synthesis[edit]

Elemental Jesus was discovered by researchers at the University of Colorado, while trying to find a cure for Scientology. In fact, Elemental Jesus is the cure!

Properties of Elemental Jesus[edit]

  • Highly Hydrophobic. All Compound Jesii can walk on water.
  • Highly Arachnophilic. All Compund Jesii are fuelled by an internal supply of spiders.
  • Aroma of Chorizo. Reasons unknown, but may be due to theoactive decay into the more evil elements of Paprika (Pa) and Sausagium (Wu).
  • Has antigravitic properties. Often causes ascensions, and the impression of being high. No relation to kitten huffing whatsoever.
  • Known to aggravate Romans. May have something to do with kitten huffing.
  • Has inability to swim in water but can do so in wine.

Uses of Elemental Jesus[edit]

Besides the construction of all known Compound Jesii, Elemental Jesus has been extensively used in the construction of Portable Music Theft Devices, a practice started when Steve Jobs was borne by a virgin Huffed Kitten from which he supped Je-rich milk from her saggy feline teat.

Price and Availability[edit]

$1.49 for 128 fl. oz., enough to transubstantiate four minor Jesii.


Jesus Dioxide under a holy electron microscope

Compound Jesii[edit]

Elemental Jesus may bond with two atoms of oxygen to form Jesus Dioxide.

The following Compound Jesii are known to be constructed primarily of Elemental Jesus: