Jefferson Airplane

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Thomas Jefferson flies a few of his "favorite children" above the hills of Virginia on his airplane

The Jefferson Airplane was built by President Thomas Jefferson as a means to quickly transport his "favorite children" to a special "nursery" where the press wouldn't "find out they were negros".

Conception[edit]

'''this plane was screwed from the start do not even look at this page because you might get screwed from the start'''

In 1801, once word began to spread of the affairs Jefferson was having with his slaves, his political enemies paid members of the press to investigate these affairs in order to embarrass the President. Once Jefferson got word of this plot, he and Vice-President Aaron Burr would hide in the vineyards disguised as large bunches of grapes and shoot at any trespassing reporters. Jefferson knew he couldn't spend all his time hiding in the vineyards since there was still a Louisiana to purchase, so he devised another solution. Based on a sketch by Leonardo da Vinci, Jefferson constructed a flying machine which he would use to carry his "favorite" little ones to a secluded location he knew to be safe from the prying eyes of the press.

This is Da Vinci's flying machine sketch on which Jefferson based his airplane.

Operation[edit]

Jefferson would keep his contraption hidden in one of the larger barns on the hill of his estate. When threatened, he would throw open the barn doors and, with the help of several of his slaves, push the plane aloft. He drilled his children so that, at a moment's notice, they would be prepared to soar thought the skies to safety. Eventually, the children learned how to pilot the craft themselves and began building more airplanes, improving on Jefferson's original design with such things as bleacher seating and dozens of tiny wind-up propellers. It was not an uncommon sight in those days to see scores of colored children gliding high above the Virginian hillsides. The first time Aaron Burr saw the Jefferson Airplane in the sky, he shot at it mistaking it for a quail and accidentally hit Alexander Hamilton in the face. The popular urban legend that this action was followed by Burr's utterance of the phrase: "Boom! Headshot!" is simply untrue.

The Formation of MASsA[edit]

A modern Jefferson Airplane

Inspired by his children's passion for flight, Thomas Jefferson formed the Mulatto Aeronautical Sciences Administration or MASsA. The administration's main goal was to someday send all of Jefferson's mulatto children to the Moon and then eventually, all the rest of the negros. After years of research and development, MASsA unveiled the Jefferson Starship, and on December 24th, 1807, Thomas Jefferson bid farewell to all 71 of his mulatto children as he launched them into space. The mission was a success, and the children arrived on the surface of the Moon reasonably unharmed. In a rare show of compassion, Adolf Hitler offered nearly half of the children shelter in his secret Nazi moon base. Unfortunately, with all his mulatto children on the Moon (and with them the knowledge of space flight), Jefferson was forced to cut all of MASsA's funding and dissolve the administration.

Other[edit]

There may have been a band or something named after these technological wonders; wasn't there?

Nah, probably not.

It was recenty revealed a woman named Grace Slick piloted the plane. Go ask Alice if you don't believe it. Wait until she's 10 feet tall, though.