Jenson Button

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jenson Button.

“They said he might never win a Grand Prix.... HE'S DONE IT JENSON BUTTON HAS WON THE HUN GAR IAN GRAN PRIX, GET IN THERRRRRRRRRE..... along with many others now.”

~ James Allen on Jenson Button

Jenson Button is a Formula One racing driver, and now officially back as Britain's favourite sportsman, after a 2 year illness which was enforced upon him called Hamiltonitis. However after passing it back to to the giver a certain Lewis Hamilton, Jenson is now loved again. And no one has heard of Lewis since.

Career[edit]

Button began his F1 career at Williams alongside one of the most historic names in motor racing, and his name was of course Schumacher... Ralf Schumacher of course. In a first year which saw him become F1's youngest point scorer at age 9, Button was soon loaned out by Frank Williams, or sacked as Button calls it, to fat Italian play boy Flabbio Briatore's Benetton which became Renault, until he was sacked again, with Briatore citing Button's playboy status as a reason for him leaving the team. Hmmm ironic I know. But he settled in BAR Honda, which then became Honda, which then became Brawn, which could become Virgin Brawn after it was revealed that Ross Brawn is in fact still a virgin.

Button's f1 career had consisted of him being called shit by ignorami and was quite frankly going down the shitter, until, that is, the great angel Brawn came down and offered hope and salvation to him. Since that heavenly day, Button has been given the powers of Senna and Schumacher combined and has made F1 a one man dominated sport again.

Button has now won a lot of races after bribing FIA president Max Mosley with a year's supply of german hookers. The row over the Brawn diffuser which clouded the beginning of the Formula 1 season was concluded after it was revelead that nobody really cared.

Personal Life[edit]

Jenson has a father. What, you want more? His beard and wispy hair mean that his face would like pretty much the same if you were to turn it upside down. It was revealed in March 2009 that Jenson was on the verge of quitting the ex Honda f1 team, which would become Brawn GP, run by Ross Brawn. Apparently he and team mate Rubens Barry I play the cello were disgusted to learn details of team boss, Ross Brawn's personal life.... it became clear that Brawn was in fact.... a Manchester United fan.

Alter Ego[edit]

Button has also successfully created another career out of his alter ego, Chris Martin, lead singer of the band Coldplay. In the off season, Jenson or Chris (whichever way works best), travels the world with his bandmates. Asked if Chris would be making an appearance at Silverstone this year, Button commented that he "couldn't be bothered" and will in fact announce the splitting up of the band to concentrate on his driving.