Jeremy Lavine

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“Truly, if the Proles deserved a voice, it surely would be his.”

~ Karl Marx on the media

“The bulk of my work is deeply rooted in the study of "Coming in Like El Nino." It is doubtless that I owe my success--nay, my life--to Jeremy Lavine!”

~ Oscar Wilde on meteorology

Jeremy Lavine (1927 - ??) was one of the most influential authors of what is largely considered to be the Platinum Age of Writing. He, in the same vein as Proust and Salinger, produced few works, but packed within them the genius expected of a Cartesian disciple. His contributions to society range from the powerful narrative, "Coming in Like El Nino" to the spiritual Orwellian novella, "Lightning!"

While products of an earlier, simpler time, Lavine's lessons are widely considered as universal as those of a Shakespearian play or a Roadrunner cartoon. Lavine drew much inspiration from the intricate workings of planetary weather systems and meteorological anomalies such as storms and the lightning therein. After the undisputed success and acclaim that followed his Period Three uber-drama, "Coming in Like El Nino," he made plans for a three volume series on thunderstorms. But critics challenged his range, imploring him to bestow his direct, emotional technique on current events such as what he did last summer and his favorite book. Said Lavine, "Those buttheads. They said I needed to write something else for homework. They are stupid. Lightning is so awesome. They just don't know. That's why I had to write about it. Otherwise, it would have knocked down their soul." And souls are good. They must not be knocked down.


El Nino[edit]

A culturally defining masterpiece, Coming in Like El Nino is a provocative insight into the racially controversial tempest that derives its potency from its host region. This particular work is a cartographer's dream--it takes the mind on a blissful ride from the waters of Australia elsewhere, namely, other places. Especially touching is the undeniable bond the reader makes with the "pescadores" of Peru, victims of spiteful gods and unable to catch any fish because of El Nino. The reader becomes entrenched with their plight up until the epic carthartic conclusion which has left every expert, critic and "scientist" completely breathless. Lavine's curt, apathetic approach to the final sequence truly encases the spirit of the piece in literary carbonite.


Lightning!!! was Lavine's daring attempt to defy conventional wisdom that lightning could not be understood. Pen in hand and curiosity in heart, he set out to discover its origin, its meaning and its role in society. At its core, his goal was to dissect the arguments of two camps of popular theory: those that might say lightning was made of light and those that used to think lightning was made of fire. Fire from the sky.

In his literary journey, his hero, B. Franklin, a wayward soul with an analytical mind fatherly found that lightning is made of electricity and is, in fact, not made of fire that kills people and knocks down trees. For two riveting pages, we watch Lavine's fanciful wordplay dance and take shape, gracefully moving from its colonial beginnings with B. Franklin, into Greek mythology, through third world countries and modern day psychology. Lavine is at his best here, gripping the reader with pure unadulterated suspense until the essay's climax: a philanthropic warning to the masses, coupled with inarguable support from relevant scientific circles. Is there a conclusion? Some say yes, but popular wisdom insists none exists. Sadly, Lavine's second and third installments were lost in a violent lightning fire, so the reader is doomed to an eternity of never knowing...



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