Jermaine Defoe

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The ManChild from White Heart Lane[edit]

The analysis of video footage, 1st hand transcripts and anecdotal evidence has led scientists to believe that Jermaine Defoe is actually one of a small group of humans, more commonly classified as ManChildren.


According to his current girlfriend, Jermaine Defoe Esq enjoys suckling on his misses' tits while watching the television. Although not in a sexual way, this is believed to bring a calming effect upon his fragile, small man demeanor. It has been factually verified by MI5, Zenith Hygine Systems and several WAGS (the latter being the only true source), all who gasped so hard when they heard, that Battersea Dog's Home and Bob Geldof issued a Fatwah in retaliation for the unusual animal behavior which ensued.

Geldof said…[edit]

It was reported at the time that while knee deep in excrement Geldof exclaimed, "I can solve poverty!". The remark that followed was hastily retracted by his lawyers, "Let them eat excrement!". Shylock, Geldof's advocate, based the decision upon real-time updates of Global Excrement Levels, which suggested if acted upon, Geldof would be left forever mute.


These ManChildren were first spotted on a late night program tapping into the fetish market. In the arms of a fat whore was a middle aged man wearing a nappy and sucking on a bottle. The whore spoke candidly of many men she has seen whom come to her for motherly attention. This often later proceeds to sexual encounters. The fat whore refused to comment on individual cases.

Threat Level[edit]

It is believed that although not posing a direct threat, due to his emergence from the Fundamentalist breading ground of T.H.F.C, Jermaine Defoe should not be approached if he is hangry, tired or just after a match. These periods are scathingly close to his flash point and will enrage the ManChild to tears. N.B. It is usual for the ManChild to call up his mother to sort you out.