Jesus Of Suburbia
The Jesus Of Suburbia is an obese, drugged out suburban New Yorker who can't really do anything, partly due to his enormous girth, and partly due to years of inaction causing his bedsores to fuse with his ever-present leather sofa. He has several chins and rarely shaves, making his appearance somewhat like Saddam Hussein, only much larger and without the tan or the hot six pack.
A theory on how he got to this earth is a mystery, but some people (Mainly his followers and local stoners) think that he fell from the sky in the year 1337 trying to save the people of Cleveland, Ohio. There wasn't any city there in that year however, just a couple of Indian tribes. The time miscalculation led him into a torpid state, where he would awaken every 10 years to feed.
In the sixties, the drug revolution took him by storm and he slowly became one of Clevelands' biggest through sitting around stoned. He now resides nowhere in particular.
He did have a son, St. Jimmy, but he killed himself due to a fictional Green Day song. St. Jimmy's IQ was reported to have been the lowest ever not tested; it was estimated to be negative 1337. Emo assholes all over the world cut themselves the day that he blew his brains out into the bay.