Jesus in the Christ: Stand Alone Complex: 2nd Gig

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Group Portrait, L to R, Jesus, Hans, Paul, Mecha, Joan, Da Freakin' Pope.

Jesus in the Christ: Stand Alone Complex: 2nd Gig is the second season of the popular Portuguese rotoscoped Steampunk cartoon Jesus in the Christ: Stand Alone Complex. Popularly abbreviated as jITc:SACK:2.02m/s^2, the show deals with the titular "2nd Gig", or "Second Coming" of the Christian half-diety Jesus Christ as the leader of the high-tech paramilitary assault team Section Phi operating in the cold, futuristic setting of Lisbon, Portugual, in 2008 A.D.

Characters[edit]

Section Phi Members[edit]

Jesus Christ[edit]

The head of Section Phi, and the Savior of Mankind, Jesus is the most balenced and rational member of the team. He is very skilled with the Crucifix-Shaped Ninja Star, and is capable of taking off an enemy's head with one from 50 feet. Jesus takes his missions very seriously, but when off duty he is an affable and friendly person. He often volunteers to get bagels for the team.

Pope Benedict XVI[edit]

The Second-In-Command of Section Phi, Pope Benedict's weapon of choice is the grenade launcher. He is a complete asshole, and the only reason the others on the team put up with him is because they're scared that he would get pissed and start mowing them down with a machine gun. Pope Benedict is flamboyantly gay and has a secret crush on Jesus, but does not act on it because Jesus disapproves of homosexuality.

St. Joan of Arc[edit]

The only female member of Section Phi, and also the hottest, St. Joan prefers to stay back at HQ, so she doesn't break her nails. Her job is to moniter the advanced Section Phi computer system ENIAC, but she often blows it off to go shopping or masturbate. Since she often decides to do the latter while on-duty, the other members of the team gladly tolerate her flakiness and vanity.

Mecha-Cardinal Sin[edit]

Mecha-Cardinal Sin had had his body completely replaced by cybernetic parts after contracting Internet Cholera from a whore in Manila when he was 17. His weapon of choice is the Magical Boomerang. Mecha-Cardinal Sin was once offered the posistion of leader of Section Phi, but he decided not to take it, claiming that: "I'm too goddamn busy with this job already! I haven't had time to go out boating in three years!"

Hans Küng[edit]

The ugliest member of Section Phi. Not much is known about him, because he is so ugly that he always hides in a corner with a black bag over his face, whimpering. If people get too close he takes out his portable Space Laser, points it at the person, and screams girlishly "Don't look at me! I'm a freak!". People tend to avoid him.

Paul of Tarsus[edit]

Paul of Tarsus is a chronic liar, and the only reason he is in Section Phi is because he lied so hard about his military service in the 2nd Damascus War, Nobel Prize in Physics, wife and kids, dislike of anime, necessity of preaching the gospel to Gentiles, fluency in Xhosa, and experience as a Linux Sysadmin that the Section Phi Application Processing computer, UNIVAC, blew up. Paul's only talent, apart from lying, is his moderate skill in running the fuck away when he realizes how dangerous the missions actually are. He carries a modified M-16 rifle, but has never actually fired it, so it is unknown how well he can do so.

Chief Thomas Aquinas[edit]

Decorated former member of the Portuguese Marine Corps, Philosopher, Theologian, Angelicus Doctor and Hentai enthusiast, Thomas Aquinas was a prime choice for Chief of Public Security Section Phi. However, soon after his re-instatement at the end of the first season of the show, his hentai addiction grew out of control. Much of the latter half of the series deals with his struggle to hid his addiction from Section Phi while the addiction destroyed his personal life. He was ultimately successful, as the team did not discover his hentai addiction until after he was fatally shot by Jesus Christ in the last episode of the series and his blood was analyzed, revealing a Blood Hentai Level of .471, 50% higher than the legal maximum.

Oh shit! That was kind of an important spoiler, wasn't it? That was basically the whole plot of the last episode. Shit, sorry about that. Won't happen again.

Recurring Characters[edit]

Pope John Paul II[edit]

The ex-pope who was brutally ass raped and murdered in the first season, John Paul was so beloved that he was implanted with cybernetic implants and re-animated using Black Magic. He is now the first male Prime Minister of Portugal.

S.T. Augustine[edit]

S.T. Augustine is the newly-appointed Minister of Drugs, Alcohol, Agriculture, Transportation, and First Person Shooter Video Games. He has been secretly plotting to politically destroy Section Phi so he could use its budget to fund his own para-military assault team, Project Pwnage.

YHWH[GodOfAbraham][edit]

A mysterious hacker who is only known by his blasphemous IRC nick, YHWH often serves as a source of information for Section Phi. But where do his loyalties really lie?

Matthew the Evangelist and the Section Phi Dendrochronology Team[edit]

An annoying, obessive fan of Neon Genesis Evangelion, Matthew the Evangelist is the head of the Section Phi Dendrochronology Team, also known as the "Greencoats". Although nobody really likes Matthew, or the rest of the Dendrochronology team for that matter, it occurs surprisingly often that Section Phi has to rely on researching tree rings to solve cases and track down criminals. By the end of the series, Section Phi develops a grudging respect for the Dendrochronologists. That is, until the latter are all killed in Jesus' brutal nuke rampage in the last episode.

The Eucharistkoma[edit]

A Eucharistkoma in action, spraying the Blood of Christ into a wineglass. The badly-photoshopped wineglass is a very characteristic example of traditional Portuguese steampunk animation.

The Eucharistkoma, the humorless and serious-minded blue AI robots from the first season return again, newly repaired and modified after the first season's "Noodle Incident" that left them non-operational and dangerously gooey. The Eucharistkoma are multipurpose robots that aid Section Phi by serving in such diverse applications as transportation, air support, weapon storage, counterespionage, and human-cyborg relations. Also, you can use them as a makeshift barbecue for makin' steak, as Mecha-Cardinal Sin does in episode 7.

The Eucharistkoma are now capable of interacting with Jesus Christ's cyberbrain in a much more personal fashion. They can copy his attribute variables to backhack Jesus' Holy Ghostline, forming a near-perfect holographic representation of his physical "body" and "blood". This process, known as Transubstantiation, is thought by many fans to be the most laughably ridiculous element of the show, which is otherwise noted for its gritty realism.

Opening and Closing Animation[edit]

The opening to each episode of jITc:SACK:2.02m/s^2 features a song by the Evil Clone of Johnny Cash titled "Oh, Shit! Pandas!" set to a montage of Jesus going to the store to buy bagels for his Section Phi coworkers.

The closing of each episode is set to the They Might Be Giants song "The Sun is a Mass of Incandescant Gas" and features a montage of scenes where Pope Benedict gets bodyslammed into a lamppost, a popular visual gag within the series.

Episodes[edit]

Each jITc:SACK:2.02m/s^2 episode consists of two titles. Nobody knows why. Not even MC Hammer.

1. The 2nd Gig: JESUS CHRIST UNLIMITED

2. Glory Hole: LACKLUSTER BANANAS

3. The Genative Case in Late Classical Latin: INTERNET CHOLERA

5. The Rise of the Machines: SIE HABEN DEUTSCH GESPROCHEN

6. La Navidad Fea: JESUS GETS PWNED

7. And they Stood Upon the Mountain's Peak: SWING SWING

8. Dangerous Game: SCRABBLE COMPATIBLE

9. Generic Evil Prussian Corporation: SIT WITH OTHER PEOPLE COMPLEX

10. Cool Looking Helmets: WITH SPACE AGE TECHNOLOGY INSIDE

11. Whimsy and Potentcy: NIETZCHE'S BANE

12. Quiet Flows the Duero: YES, WE KNOW "DUERO" IS THE SPANISH NAME NOT THE PORTUGUESE ONE QUIT BUGGING US ABOUT IT

13. Fortitude in the Face of Violence: CHRIST SLASH

14. Seven Deadly Sins: ESPECIALLY GLUTTONY

15. The Living Word: IT'S SPICY

16. Freebird: GOD IS A TURNIP

17. Do Pandas Dream of Electric Pandas?: YES, THEY DO

18. Secret Rendevouz: ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI

19. Downwards and Upwards: SCHMI! SCHMOOBY!

20. Secrets Revealed: OK, HONESTLY, DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THESE THINGS?

21. For the Greater Glory of God: THE SECOND TITLE OF EPISODE 19 WAS "SCHMI! SCHMOOBY!" FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!

22. Movement: I MEAN, COME ON! THAT'S REALLY FUCKING STUPID

23. Stillness: FUCK IT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE

24. Eucharist Rising: SO SAYETH THE SPACE POPE

25. One Last Mission: WHEN-WHERE-WHOM

26. The Savior's Own Salvation: JESUS GETS UN-PWNED

Themes[edit]

Religious[edit]

Many of jITc:SACK:2.02m/s^2's important themes have to do with religion, particularly Christian Theology and Eschatology, and it explores such questions as "What is the true nature of the soul?", "Why would a loving and merciful God create Hell?" and "Is the true Word of God learned through Scripture alone, or through Scripture and Tradition?". Because Jesus Christ is the main character of the show, he answers these questions directly and succinctly, usually while off-duty so not to interfere with Section Phi's duties as a paramilitary assault team. After the first few episodes all the major questions about God and Life are answered, so people begin to ask Jesus Christ more mundane questions, such as "So, who do you think'll win the 2009 World Cup?" and "Jesus! Where'dja put the Space Laser?" ('I'm putting my money on Germany' and 'Over there, in the black case on that shelf' respectively)

Technological[edit]

In futuristic Lisbon, humanity has been entirely replaced by robots who have been programmed to not give a shit about the true nature of humanity but otherwise act exactly the same as humans, down to mimicking medical procedures unnecessary on their robot bodies (see Episode 12, "Quiet Flows the Duero: YES, WE KNOW "DUERO" IS THE SPANISH NAME NOT THE PORTUGUESE ONE QUIT BUGGING US ABOUT IT"). Actual humans have all been killed by Ninjas lead by Pope Innocent III. For this reason, questions about the relationship between humanity and advanced technology never come up in the series.

References to Oscar Wilde[edit]

A running theme within jITc:SACK:2.02m/s^2 is referencing the 19th century author Oscar Wilde, particularly his famous play The Importance of Being Earnest. In each episode, there is at least one spoken or visual reference to Oscar Wilde. The series-wide subplot of the terrorist group Worthing's Warriors references The Importance of Being Earnest more directly, and the revelation that Pope Benedict has been acting as the leader of the group mirrors Jack's alternate identity as Earnest. Only Jack/Earnest didn't get a Space Laser blast in the eye when they discovered what happened.


Holders of lion keys to Ultra Jesus
Black Ranger: George W. Bush | Green Ranger: Bill Gates | Blue Ranger: Jerry Falwell | Pink Ranger: Britney Spears | Red Ranger: Margaret Thatcher