Jesus vs Zombie Jesus Cage Match
Note: Coming soon: Jesus vs. the 4 horseman of the apocalypse...STAY TUNED!
The Jesus vs Zombie Jesus Cage Match was a very important event in human history. It is very difficult to explain the details of the match, but I shall try my hardest. And by "hardest" I mean "Just enough to get by".
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There were two contenders in this competition of killing each other. These fighters are:
AKA "Our Savior"
Standing at a hefty 5'2", this man of many talents was able to overcome ridicule from his classmates as a child and practice his wrestling moves. Some of these amazing moves are "The Water Walk", "Rock to Bread 360", and "3 Days Reborn Tecnique". His mother was the world-known Mary. Mary, of course, is known for her brief affair with God. This was how Jesus was born. After he was born, he relised he wasn't wanted and he ran off. Unfortunatly for Mary, Jesus became a famous wrestler and she recieved no money from him. This caused her to go into a deep depressive state and eventually commit suicide. Jesus (who still had feelings for his mother) was extremely angered and vowed to get revenge on the murderer. In order to do this though, he must bring Mother Mary back from hell so that he could get into one last fight with his Mother who murdered his Mother, for this was the only way of revenge.
AKA "Not Our Savior"
Zombie Jesus is the last battle Jesus must face before fighting Mother Mary. Apparently, Mother Mary was still a complete whore, even after going to hell. This caused Mary to have intercourse with Satan. Mary soon had birth to Zombie Jesus. Mary and Zombie Jesus (whose street name is "ZJ") were best friends after his birth. ZJ also became Mary's bodyguard causing ZJ to be the 2nd to last fight before Mary. Zombie Jesus' abilities are "The Magma Walk", "Rock to Fire 360", and "3 Night Torture Tecnique".
Order of Jesus' Battles
- Jesus vs Zombie Jesus Cage Match
The first round was a pretty difficult match for both contenders, but after being hit upside the face in a terrific Combo, Jesus goes down. The crowd is very worked up over this quick victory, but suddenly Jesus leaps up and chokes ZJ until he passes out. Jesus wins Round 1! The second round ZJ decided to try something different. ZJ used his "Mega Jump" ability and jumps onto the ceiling of the cage. Jesus is confused and tried to find a way up the side of the cage but the space between the bars are too narrow to place his foot on. Unfortunatly, Jesus takes too much time finding a way up and ZJ crashes down on Jesus, breaking his neck. During the break between round 2 and 3 it looks as if Jesus isn't going to make it. When suddenly Gabriel floats from the sky and gives Jesus a bottle of "Miracle" (now available in Target for $29.99). This completely cures Jesus' broken neck but his morale is still down when he begins round 3. Right as the round begins Jesus gets the shit beat out of him... literally. During the break between round 3 and 4 Jesus has to get a bowel transplant. Luckily, it was successful. Unluckily, Jesus still has to make it through two more rounds... and he has to win them too! Jesus and JZ enter round 5. After a very long and dramatic fight scene Jesus knocks out JZ. Jesus is victorious! It's the last round and both Jesus and JZ are getting tired. After another long fight Jesus rips the head off of Zombie Jesus along with his spine (like in Mortal Combat 2), JZ's limp body falls to the ground and Jesus moves on to fight his mother's murderer...