“Who would've guessed forty years ago they would've given a TV show to John Belushi's afterbirth.”
“Whoops, I killed the wrong brother. Sorry, everyone...”
Jim Belushi (Pronounced- John, well who really gives a fuck) was born on some date that no one gives a shit about in some fucked up town that is probably full of queers (probably some place like Cleveland). His family consists of a bunch of people who don't matter excludingJohn Belushi who by comparison is a much better person.
In all of Jim's youth he was always trying to steal his brother's talent and be a stupid fame hog that really doesn't need to be because God's intention for Jim was to just root on his brother, but no, he wanted to steal his brother's fame, always. One example of Jim stealing his brother's fame was when John was in a school play Jim stood up during John's song A beautiful world and just yelled, "Suck my dick!" After this happened John was quoted saying, "I really don't want to talk about it, I mean, he's just a huge dick." Another instance when Jim was being a fame hogging little bitch was when John wanted to go to New York for his pee wee hockey game and Jim just said he wanted to go and play to, even though he was well above the age limit. By the end of the game, Jim had shot 2 own goals and also injured his brother who was the star player. Jim said after words, "Well I played great out there, but my team just sucked ass and well they don't know shit cause I'm amazing and the rest of the team is just jealous and want to put my amazing skills down." After hearing this John was furious and asked his mom to put Jim up for adoption, but she just told him he would be out of the house soon, hopefully.
Jim Belushi caught his big break in 1977 when he met Steve Martin who naturally thought he was horrible, but due to Jim's amazingly large ego he let him dream. Steve took Jim to a SNL show he was hosting to learn basic comedy skills, but Jim being Jim he jumped up on stage and started to tell his jokes. Once he was done, the crowd jumped up on stage and started beating him and calling him a horrible person who should have been killed off a long time ago. After the show they asked Steve Martin why and he just said, "I don't really know, I thought that with a little help he could be good, but obviously he sucks so badly not even my basic knowledge of comedy could help him." Jim somehow made it out of this alive and continued his gay ass comedy.
7th Inning Stretch
In the 1990's Jim got another idea in his head, maybe if he wants to get noticed he should start going to Chicago Cubs baseball games and singing take me out to the ball game. When he started this horrendous trend, what were heard as cheers in the crowd were actually boos cause Jim Belushi's singing was so horrible, but he hired people to make it sound like there was cheers. After the first visit everyone knew his name including the CBS network who for some Godless reason thought he was good and wanted him to have his own t.v show that would later be called "According to Jim" which was quite possibly the end of the world.
According to Fucking Jim (A.K.A the end of the world as we know)
In the early 2000's, Jim's ego got so big he decided to make a show called According to Jim which some how got nation wide attention probably because he sucked so bad that everyone was wondering how he got a show. This show consists of Jim Belushi, a few brainwashed kids, and couple dozen whores they found on the streets. The show became critically acclaimed and got mass love from drunk frat boys who don't understand what comedy is and couple of people who find a fame hogging basterd lovable.
Currently Jim is thinking of more ways to squeeze every last drop out of his dead brother's fame to better help himself. Jim tries to not let fame go to his head, but he literally can't stop spitting in the face of every person who interacts with him. As to this date, Jim has spat in the face of 12,883 people. Jim hope to reach 20,000 by the end of 2012. Also Jim has a streak of shitting his pants in 431 consecutive days that he is very proud of.
Jim, after already having conquered acting and feeling that his mark on Hollywood was so epic, felt he needed to take his talents to another form of entertainment. Jim figured the obvious next step would be to music. As Jim put it; "show all those pussies in the music industry how John Belushi's brother is going to make real man music". After announcing his retirement from television (to which sales of TV sets went up 2000% the following day). Jim created his own record label, Real Man Records, which was going to produce all this records. Jim has such a gift for music that he never writes down lyrics for songs, instead he prefers to mumble into the mic while throwing in the occasional groan or cheer. Jim is such a talented musician that he has created his own genre known as, Fat middled-aged white men stealing african american's sound. Others have described Jim's music styling as "blues if it was sung by a black man's rotting corpse". Jim Belushi, the musician, doesn't stop at his singing. A lot goes into his on stage look. That look of course is of someone who thinks a short-sleeved plaid shirt along with khaki cargo shorts are cool just as long as he is wearing dark glasses. And really it's hard to argue with that once you see Jim on stage rocking that classic look. No matter what the masses think of Jim Belushi's music career, one thing is certain, blues has never sounded better when it's sung by a; Fat mid-50s millionaire white actor who only started to sing because his dead brother had success at it.