Jman

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Most of the stories of the mighty Jman have been called fiction because of the unbelievable extremes in which they are told. Unlike that popular belief, the stories that are told are, in actuality, an underexaggeration of what really happens.

Jman (aka Joshua) was born on October 31, 1984 in the northern state of Texas. His creative personality landed him several dozen golden stars in pre-school, which usually lead to bigger and better toys prizes, such as cash money. Later, after impregnating his teacher at age 4, he became the father of pop sensation, Dr Dre.

Childhood[edit]

Jman grew up on a 32,000 mile ranch in a suburb of Texas. He went to school at a really big public school for little kids. He was the star of the classroom, as well as the star of the theater. Aside from making straight A’s in school, his choreographed dance performance of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star earned him a golden lolly pop, as well as a scholarship to UClog. After preschool and throughout elementary school, he was decked “Most Popular Student” 33 -48 27 of the 20 times they ran it.

Before entering High School, Jman studied with his neighbor, Chuck Norris the art of roundhouse kicks and kung pow. In just a matter of 2.3 hours, he had mastered both arts. His first enemy was his father’s bull on their 40,000,000 32,000 mile ranch. With one mighty kick to the bull head, Jman crushed its brain into nothing, killing it instantly. That night they had steaks. Aside from mastering kung pow and the roundhouse kick, he also mastered the extremely difficult art of clogging, or tap dancing but it’s somehow different. At the age of 10, created the highly popular Riverdance, receiving lots of bling and lots of awards. One of which he was crowned Lord of the Dance.

High School & College Life[edit]

High school began Jman’s other story of popularity, love, more clogging, and more popularity. His freshmen year, he had achieved a world record of dating every girl and female teacher in his school at least twice. At one time, he had 14 girls dating him at once, all which didn’t mind sharing. Because of this, guys began to flock around him like flies flock around dog crap. They wanted to know his ability to get the ladies, and being the generous guy he was, gave them the answers in his book “A Lady Is Like A Flower: Pick More Than One”.

Some of his fellow peers were jealous and sought revenge by means of a beating to the face. There was this one time when Jman was changing after 14 hours straight of bench pressing 120 213lbs, these four black guys came into the gym to teach Jman a lesson (reason or lesson is still unsure). One black guy grabbed him from behind while the two others grabbed his arms on the side. The final black guy stood in front of Josh and was ready to lay into him. With Jman’s quick thinking brain, he kicked the guy black guy in front of him in the wang, and backward head butt the guy behind him. Then he pulled the two guys together on his arm together, making them crash into each other, almost killing them both. He stood there, body pulsing with strength, and a crowd of people who witnessed it said that it was “the most beautiful fight” they’d ever seen. Both Jet Li and Jackie Chan decided to give up their martial arts career once they heard Jman might be going to Hollywood.

Aside from winning several fights in High School, Jman also playing football as the main quarterback for the Baylor Bears, was lead scoring guy in soccer, as well as star pitcher on the baseball team. Jman credits Budweiser and Sunkist for his ability to do so much.

Jman is currently in college, passing ever class, as you’d expect. This page will be updated when he puts down World of Warcraft and finally graduates.

Update: Jman's college has asked him to take over teaching all classes on all subjects. (Jman isn't sure if he wants to spend the extra 4 1/2 mins a day to prepare all the lectures for every subject)

Musical Career[edit]

Jman regularly has lent his dancing moves to the music industry. He has helped artists such as Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and the Backstreet Boys maintain a status as great dancers. He can be seen in many music videos, mostly in the backgrounds.

Today, he is still practicing clogging nightly at his own personal gym with his hot clogging girlfriends sluts. They are all practicing for their new broadway hits, Lakedance and Oceandance, scheduled to be released in 2018.

Sports Career[edit]

Jman’s main focus in sports was soccer, since dancing goes so well with kicking balls around. He quickly became the highlight of every game, drawing in more than 12,000 people per game. He usually scored a lot of points per game. One time, he scored so much, the board like blew up because there were too many numbers on the screen. On the night of January 12th, 2003, Jman tumbled upon a sports career ending tragedy. He was shot four times in the leg, leaving him in a double concussion. Since that day, he has been color blind, or unable to see colors. It is healing though. The colorblindness. The doctors were amazed to see such rapid healing, Jman's secret mutant powers were almost revealed. wait.. crap..

Jman gets most of his athleticism from his grandfather, who used to be a football referee. His grandfather is still alive.

Skillz[edit]

Jman has cured cancer and heart disease several times. By mixing Sunkist and lithium battery acid, he created the antidote to most popular diseases and was nominated the Nobel Cancer Curing prize. The cure for cancer and heart disease has not been released yet because of a legal battle.

His computer skills are out of this world. In a basement of his grandparent’s house, otherwise known as The Bat Cave, he created a program that would revolutionize the computer industry. He created the graphically enhanced Doors. After sharing with his buddy, Bill Gates (called ‘Money’ for short), the idea was stolen and renamed to Windows. Since Jman forgot to test the program for errors as did Gates, Windows ultimately flopped and DOS became the standard for computers. DOS Vista is currently being released in 2010, with the help of Jman’s original graphical ideas. Jman used his Ph.D in MS PAINT to create all the stunning graphics for the soon to be released DOS Vista.

Aside from programming, the Jman has is the ability to fix any computer problem with just a can of Sunkist and a hammer. This method is often called troubleshooting in the computer world.

Jman also has the ability to lengthen and shorten his hair at will. It can be 5 feet long one day then shaved pink in a mohawk the next and then 5 feet long again the next day. It happens so fast that only he remembers when his hair is long.

Jman's car only has 2 gears: Reverse and Light Speed. He is the only person ever to drive through a black hole and not die. He even beat Chuck Norris in a drag race.

Movies Based On Stuff Jman Actually Has Done[edit]

This is a full list of movies that have featured true stories of the actual adventures of Jman. Most of them were the exact events that had happened.

  • Die Hard: The entire movie actually happened when Jman was on vacation in Vegas. The only thing changed is the scene where Bruce Willis kills that one terrorist guy and the body comes down the elevator. It said something like “Merry Christmas… Ho Ho Ho”. What Jman really wrote was something so vulgar that Satan himself threw-up and almost died. The movie changed this so it could maintain it’s PG rating.
  • Matrix: This story is from the prophecies foretold in many religions about a chosen One coming to save the earth from giant squid robots. This has not yet happened, but this is how it predicted to happen after Jman takes the red pill. Too bad he’s color blind.
  • The Lord Of The Rings: Jman's eye was used as a model for the all seeing eye from the LORT movies. However Jman's eye is so powerful that the producers had to use a 1/10000000000000000th scale so everyone in the world wouldn't die from seeing it.
  • more coming soon

See also[edit]