John Negroponty

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John Lynch Negroponty (1583-) is a noted for being the 52nd imperial wizard of the Ku Klux Klan and currently is third-in-command of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Early Life[edit]

Negroponty was inspired to join the KKK after classmates joked that his name sounded like the word “negro” – at the time a vulgar word rarely used in favor of the more politically correctnigger”. Negroponty rose through the ranks quickly, earning the title exaulted hippo. After years working as an aide to then-wizard Buffalo Bill, John was chosen to succeed his mentor in a meteoric rise to power.

Negroponty is seated third from the right, second row.

Imperial Wizard[edit]

John Negroponty is noted for several innovations in KKK tactics, including:

  • The first use of white sheets
  • The first cross burning
  • The first lynching
  • The first intramural scrabble tournament
  • The walkie-talkie
  • Nitroglycerin, and
  • Adderol

He also tried to implement a standard IQ test to aid in recruiting top candidates, but his plan failed when no new members passed the 20th percentile mark.



Negroponty is a noted member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Negroponty became a Pastafarian in 1701, and helped to found the first FSM seminary in New Haven, Connectthedots.

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While teaching Pastafarianism at Yale, he had a vision of what he described as “divine noodly appendages”. Upon hearing of his vision, the Church of the FSM declared him as Living Saint, and he again rose quickly to the top echelons of the organization. Currently, he is third-in-line to succeed His Holiness Nobody as the leader of the CFSM. While in his noted positionm he created a new theory regarding the true nature of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This was immortalized in a speech at a congregation many, many years ago. (We have records of this, but they're under the couch and I can't reach.) In it, he alluded to four simultaneous meatballs contained within 24 simultaneous noodles, stating that the FSMist clerics have educated their followers stupid. He also claimed that pairs are zero and that learning about the pairs of meatballs from the word monster are evil.

See Also[edit]