John White

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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about John White.

John White was originally two people. These two people discovered, under a floorboard in a random house, a special chemical that could morph 2 people into 1. They did this and it formed one of the great musicians of all time. John White is renowned for his composing skills and symphonies. Perhaps his biggest break came in 1965 when his mother died and he was allowed out of the house to practise music with friends. He was ever so happy that his beloved mother had died. (She died from an apparent follicle failure caused by erosion of the hairs by means of natural forces such as wind and water.) White played in the band Garforth and Sons from 1988 to 1996 and released 4 albums. Sadly, John White passed away in 2001 from a drug underdose, before resurrecting in 2003 and then passing away from a drug overdose, before resurecting a month later and dying of an apparent drug ...dose in 2004. He will be remembered for his uncanny ability to whip up a coffee in less than 10 seconds.