John the Baptist

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Jesus, we have to delay your baptism; Tamia travel(l)ed back in time to leave a turd in the Jordan


John the Baptist is a famous Christian, and one of the most famous homeless people. He introduced the Baptist religion to Scandinavia, where, regrettably, everyone died of frostbite after being immersed. He also came before Christ, though many think he cheated by using time travel. No one knows why he came before Christ, but many think he was just trying to build up excessive hype so that when Jesus did come people would be disappointed. Because of this, John the Baptist also falls under the category of Satan worshippers.

Notably, after he was beheaded, John the Baptist wandered the eighty-three seas looking for the head of Blackbeard, who he had fought because he had used a time machine, fighting pirates and Japanese people just to find his head. He compromised and used a fish's head. That is why there is a song called "Fish Heads".

John is also considered one of the most potent fish related steam based products comprised mostly of glue ham and a funny spongy substance known as (the funny spongy substance). The latter was created by way of scrubing old people with a herring and kissing chickens by meditating and hovering. John the Baptist was rumoured to have seven hearts, though his autopsy confirmed this figure was, in fact, five.