Johnny Cash

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A smartcard, used pay for entry to any restroom in the North American Union that charges an entry fee.


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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash is a smartcard, used pay for entry to any restroom in the North American Union that charges an entry fee.

The history of Johnny Cash[edit]

Johnny cash was first invented on February 16, 1932, by a group of protesters who could afford to use a pay toilet, but could not give exact change. They had the idea of using smartcards instead of tickets in subway systems, and realised that smartcards would also make a good payment system for pay toilets.

Then they sent a complaint letter to the North American Union, and demanded that their idea of a payment system became a reality. The complaint was a success.

Before a 1956 concert, June Carter is alleged to have gotten her dress tangled on a Johnny Cash card just before she dashed out on stage in a fetching, long-legged sort of way.

The notoriously badass singer/songwriter/cotton farmer Johnny Cash is reported to have adopted his name from the smartcard. He is best known for his fight with an ostrich, in which the ostrich emerged victorious, after nearly disemboweling Cash and leaving him to crawl painfully through the dust back to his Jeep. The only thing that prevented the bird from gutting Cash was a large belt buckle the singer happened to be wearing. After the incident, Cash reportedly developed a voracious appetite for ostrich burgers.

The hit Johnny Cash song "I Walk the Line" was reputedly inspired by the ostrich incident, during which Cash drew a line in the sand and walked back and forth along it, repeatedly exclaiming "You're mine!" to the ostrich. Due to the vicious nature of the ostrich, the singer had to keep his eyes wide open all the time and keep a close watch to make sure the ostrich didn't impale his heart. The lyrics that come between the first and last verse, concerning true love, were part of the delerium Cash experienced while bleeding in the road after the ostrich's departure. Despite what people say, Johnny Cash has never fallen into a lake of fire.

Rumors say that the singer was actually named Sue, before he adopted the monicker "Johnny Cash" in the hopes of gaining the sponsorship of the smartcard entrepreneurs.

Facts on The Man In Black[edit]

Here is a picture of the man in black.
  • He shot a man in Reno. Just to watch him die.
  • He's the dirty hack that shot his woman down.
  • Because you're his, he walks the line.
  • The tears he cried for that woman is gonna flood you, big river.
  • He's going to Jackson.
  • He's stuck in Folsom Prison.
  • He's been everywhere, man!
  • He finds a darkened corner, because he still misses someone.
  • He fell in to a burning Ring of Fire.
  • Don't step on his Blue Suede...Wait, woops! That's Elvis.
  • Can he have a drink of water?
  • He's been in the arms of his best friend's wife.
  • 'Til things are brighter, he's the Man in Black.
  • His Mamma told him "Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns."
  • Until we make a move to make a few things right, you'll never see him wear a suit of white.
  • He keeps a close watch on his heart of his.
  • He took a shot of cocaine and he shot his woman down.
  • He stuck that lovin' .44 beneath his head.
  • HIS NAME IS SUE! HOW DO YOU DO? NOW YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!
  • He (eventually) hurt himself today.
  • His bills are all due, and the babies need shoes
  • He has 25 minutes to go
  • His dirty old egg-sucking dog is killing all his chickens

See Also[edit]